


beyond.

by quakenat



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, Dystopian, F/F, F/M, M/M, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quakenat/pseuds/quakenat
Summary: In the last remaining city of a dystopian future, teenagers at the age of eighteen are chosen to either stay at home, or to join The Guard, where initiates are trained and prepared to go beyond the wall that protects the city, to fight the things they are being protected from.Clarke Griffin is certain she will be chosen to stay at home. To lead a normal, boring life. That’s all she’s ever had and all she ever will have.But she wants something more.And when she is thrown into the deep end, she realises this is her destiny. He is her destiny.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Finn Collins/Raven Reyes, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67





	1. where it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve had the base idea for this story for a while now but only recently did i decide to incorporate it with the 100 and i’m so glad i did because i can’t even imagine the story without these characters. it’s basically a pretty slowburn bellarke fic mixed with angst and zombies and government betrayals and a few familiar faces.
> 
> another thing worth noting is that if you haven’t seen the 100, you’ll still understand this story! it isn’t related to the show’s storyline, all that is the same is the characters and a few relationships. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy (:

The day begins like any other.

The sound of Clarke’s alarm clock snaps her out of her dream, a dream that must not have lasted long since she remembers lying awake for hours, unable to sleep. 

She hears her mother shuffling around downstairs, and she hears children playing on the street. The soft breeze pressing against her windows, causing her curtains to gently sway.

Like any other day. 

But it’s not any other day. Today is probably the most important day of her life.

As soon as she flicks her eyes open, Clarke feels her chest tightening, as her subconscious reminds her of what today will bring. 

Infact, she has no idea what it will bring. All she knows is her future will be decided for her. 

She stares at the ceiling for a few seconds, bringing her hands together and squeezing them both together. She can’t decide whether she’s doing this to comfort herself, or to calm her nerves. Probably both. 

Maybe she just needs a reminder that this is real. That this is not a dream. She may not be able to rely on the safety of her home anymore, because in 24 hours she may never see it again. 

Clarke lives in a quaint village in Polis. For almost half a century, Polis has been the last remaining city in the world, after the planet was hit with destruction.

However, the specifics of what happened is unknown to Clarke. It’s unknown to the majority of Polis. It can’t be known. 

It can’t.

Only the government know. And of course, The Guard. But they are one in the same, Clarke thinks. 

But today, there’s a chance she will soon find out. She will be tested, and chosen to either stay home, to stay safe, or join The Guard, who go beyond the wall and fight god knows what. 

And Clarke can’t quite work out which one she wants more. 

Of course, it’s not her choice. She can’t decide what to choose, even if she knew. 

_And it’s killing her._

_-_

“I forgot to say, Wells stopped by earlier.”

Clarke swallows her mouthful of cereal and glances at her mother, who is sitting across the table. 

“He did?” she asks, confused, because it’s so early. 

Her mother, Abby, nods, and observes Clarke’s puzzled expression. 

“Said he couldn’t sleep so he just got up early. Must’ve been nervous,” she elaborates, and her words are followed by a pitiful smile, “how are you feeling about it?”

Clarke takes a breath, preparing to lie. 

“I’m okay, actually,” she replies, even though she can practically feel her stomach turning over every time she swallows. The constant nervous feeling in her chest that began a few days ago has become so normal to her now that she doesn’t even notice it. She looks back down at her cereal, suddenly losing her appetite, if she even had one in the first place.

“Yeah. I’m sure you have nothing to worry about anyway. You’ll probably be staying home,” Abby says casually. Like she has no inkling that maybe, just maybe, her daughter has some potential to join The Guard. She stands up and takes her bowl to the sink. 

Clarke swallows the lump in her throat, letting her mother’s words soak in. She’s right, Clarke thinks. Of course she has nothing to worry about. It will be better to stay at home in her comfort zone anyway. 

So why does Clarke feel hurt by that statement? She doesn’t want to leave, right?

“Anyway, Wells asked me to tell you that he and Raven are going to the river before the test, if you wanna join them?” 

Hearing the word ‘test’ reminds Clarke that this really is happening, and the feeling in her chest grows a tiny bit stronger again, just enough to let Clarke know that it’s there. She stares at the table, forcing herself to calm down. To stop worrying about this.

“Clarke?”

Clarke must have been stuck in that moment for longer than she thought, because when she snaps out of it her mother is by her side, resting her hand on her shoulder. 

“Um,” she clears her throat and rubs the side of her face, playing it off as being tired, “yeah. Yeah, I’ll go.”

“Good. Being together will distract you all,” Abby takes the hint that Clarke is done with her breakfast, and swiftly removes it from the table. 

A distraction. Yes, a distraction is definitely what Clarke needs. But she’s not sure of why Raven would need one; or Wells, actually. 

Clarke knows that Raven will be picked to join The Guard. Raven knows that too. Everyone does. And Clarke also knows that Raven wants to be picked. She has nothing to worry about. Raven lives in the rougher side of Polis, a place where she was forced to grow up and look after herself a lot younger than she should’ve had to. She’s confident, she likes taking risks - and she’s perfect for The Guard. 

And Wells, he’s the opposite. He lives on the next street over from Clarke, and their village is, well, boring. Clarke thinks so anyway. Everyone is so friendly, sophisticated, and boring. 

But it’s safe. 

Wells and Clarke have been best friends since childhood, always playfully battling each other for the top spot of the class. They’re both praised for their brains, and it’s never anything more. They’re expected by everyone to take on some kind of top notch career, whether it be a politician or a doctor, as long as it makes their village look good, it doesn’t matter. 

They are both also expected to not be chosen for The Guard, which is why Clarke couldn’t quite work out why he is apparently so nervous for the test, since he’s pointed out numerous times that he is confident he will be staying at home. 

Her mind then thinks back to Raven, and she quickly connects the dots. 

Clarke has always known that Wells had a crush on Raven. No matter how many times he tried to deny it. He’s not the best liar. Clarke smiles to herself when she thinks about how bad he is at hiding his feelings. Raven however, isn’t as easy to read. That’s another thing about her, she is great at compressing her emotions. Most of the time, anyway. Clarke has known Raven for so long now that she knows even she can let her guard down sometimes. But Raven trusts Clarke. They both understand that if Raven ever shows her emotions, she can count on Clarke to deal with them. 

Wells is nervous, Clarke thinks, because he knows Raven will be chosen, and he will lose her. Whether it’s losing her as a lover, or as a friend, they all know that after today, their tight circle won’t be the same anymore. 

And realising Wells’ feelings has made Clarke realise this too; that it won’t be those three against the world anymore. Things are changing. 

Clarke makes her way upstairs, attempting to brush off the thought that just swirled into her head. Nothing is confirmed yet. There’s nothing to worry about. 

As she enters her room, the first thing that catches her eye is the mirror. Clarke feels a dreading feeling as she is instantly walking towards it, as if she’ll be a completely different person when she looks at her reflection. 

And sure enough, it’s still the same Clarke when she stands in front of it, but something feels different. Clarke supposes she’ll have to get used to that. Things being different. 

She tilts her head as she stares at the glass, looking into her own eyes as if she’s challenging herself. She decides that she doesn’t want to be this person anymore. She wants a chance to take risks, like Raven. She wants more. 

A wave of guilt hits Clarke as she ponders. This is selfish, she declares. She has the perfect life. She’s safe. Some people would kill to have her life. Why isn’t that enough?

Chewing on her lip, she turns to face the collection of her paintings perched on the wall, but she is drawn to a specific one. The painting of her father that she made shortly before he..

No. Clarke can’t overwhelm herself too much today. She’ll break. 

But she can’t tear her eyes away from it. Her vision becomes blurry as tears form, and as much as she doesn’t want to cry, she knows she has to let herself have this moment of weakness before she pretends to be strong for the rest of the day. If her father was here, she thinks, he’d know what to say. He’d know how to make her feel better about today. And most importantly, he’d have faith in her. He wouldn’t have accepted that there could only be one set outcome for her. Before he passed, he would always tell her that life is about more than just surviving. If you want something, chase it. Clarke had confided in him that she wasn’t sure of what she wanted her future to be, but she knew that the life she has led up to now is not what she wants to be stuck in forever. Of course, he knew that the result of the test was out of her hands, but he would always tell her to never lose hope. 

So she won’t. Clarke realises that this is what she must hold onto. If he could have faith in her, then she can have faith in herself. 

“Thanks, dad,” she mumbles to herself, allowing a single tear to roll down her cheek. But only one. When it drips off her chin, she takes a deep breath and firmly rubs her eyes, making sure to stop crying. There will be no more crying today. 

After taking a moment, she turns around to start getting ready, but is taken aback by the sight of her mother standing in her doorway, leaning on the wall. Clarke silently wonders how long she has been there for. 

“He’d be so proud of you, Clarke,” Abby chokes, her voice breaking when saying her daughter’s name, “you know that.”

Clarke observes her mother for a second. Before her father’s passing, she and her were never particularly close. His death brought the two together, but Clarke has always had this lingering feeling that she’ll never be enough for her. 

Clarke nods, letting herself smile. This time, it’s a real smile. She doesn’t have the time, or the willpower, to challenge her and her mother’s relationship right now. After tomorrow she may never see her again, and one thing out of the many that she learnt from her father’s death is that love isn’t a weakness. It should be cherished, because it can disappear in a second. 

She only has to take a few steps before she’s embraced in Abby’s arms, and she rests her head on her mother’s shoulder, breathing in her air, because she doesn’t know how long she has it for. 

It shouldn’t feel like a goodbye, but for some reason, it does.

-

After a slower than normal walk to the river, Clarke reaches Wells and Raven with a grin on her face. She took a longer route through the village, because she felt the urge to see her hometown, like, really see it. She noticed things she’d never seen before, such as the small patch of flowers at the side of the church, and a bookstore hidden away at the end of a street that she’d barely been down. She tells herself to visit the bookstore if- when, she doesn’t get chosen. 

Clarke sees Raven and Wells relaxing at the side of the river. Raven is laying on her front and Wells sits opposite her, his legs outstretched and his arms leaning back on the ground, holding himself up. Clarke steps on a twig, making herself known.

“Griffin!” Raven exclaims, as if she’s surprised to see her. Probably because Clarke is hardly ever seen awake this early in the day, let alone up and moving. She isn’t much of a morning person. 

Wells smiles at Clarke as she collapses down in the middle of them, letting out a sigh of relief when she hits the ground. 

“I didn’t think you’d come,” he tells her, still smiling, “Abby’s usually still struggling to get you to wake up at this time.”

Clarke scoffs playfully, before pushing herself backwards until she’s lying on her back, looking up at the treetops which seem to now be staring down at her, as if to taunt her. 

“I’m not that bad,” she says, closing her eyes briefly. She doesn’t know whether she’s doing it to avoid the glares of the trees or whether the lack of sleep is finally catching up to her.

“Yeah. Right,” Raven chuckles. Clarke can picture the brunette’s expression; she’s probably raising her eyebrows and grinning at Wells. 

The three sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments, letting the sound of the soft breeze take over. 

“Guess who I saw today,” Wells says, breaking the silence. 

Clarke takes this as an opportunity to sit up again, and she narrows her eyes at Wells, as if she’s trying to guess who. But her mind is too full today to think about something even as small as this. 

“Who?” 

“Finn Collins.”

A groan sounds from Raven, who has scrunched up her face and looked away, like she’s trying to get the thought of him out of her head. 

Clarke giggles at her reaction, but has to hide her brief expression of interest at the mention of his name. 

Finn and Raven dated for a while not too long ago. It didn’t end well. 

Clarke knows that Raven doesn’t think too highly of him, and she has always taken her side with their relationship, but it’s no secret between the two girls that Clarke had a bit of a crush on him before he dated Raven. And maybe after, too. That part is a secret. 

Upon hearing that Raven and Finn were getting close, Clarke told her that she was okay with it. And that wasn’t a complete lie. She wasn’t at the point of being heartbroken if she ever saw him with someone else, but she always struggled to shake off her feelings for him.

“He say anything?” Raven asks, and quite sheepishly too, avoiding eye contact with both Wells and Clarke. This was one of those expressions that Clarke _could_ read. She knows that Raven still has an ounce of care for him, just like anyone does with their ex, no matter how many times they try to say they don’t.

“Nah,” Wells says, shooting Clarke a quick look, telling her that he also picked up on Raven’s tone, “just the same old reverse nod type thing he does instead of saying hello.”

“He thinks it makes him look cool,” Raven sighs, shaking her head. The thought probably reminded her of how much she dislikes him.

Clarke breathes a laugh again, and looks out across the river. 

This spot is where the three friends regularly meet, and have done since they were kids. It was always the perfect place to come and sit, and it fit all occasions. Whether they needed to cool off, relax, or get drunk, this was where they’d come. Clarke thinks it’s an unspoken thing that they all come here separately too when they need to. 

It’s a beautiful place. At the other side of the river, there is nothing but an outstretching meadow, which if you walk far enough, takes you to the border of The Guard’s side of Polis, which is surrounded with guards, funnily enough. It makes Clarke wonder how much they’re hiding.

Even though Raven lives about a half hour walk away, she still comes, no questions asked. It’s almost like her chance to escape from the place she has to call home. 

“I bet he’ll be chosen for The Guard,” Wells speaks. 

Clarke was waiting for this. She was a fool to think they could go the whole time without bringing up The Guard, or the test.

“Oh yeah,” Raven sighs again, and Clarke laughs at how fed up Raven sounds every time she mentions Finn, “I can’t wait to possibly live with him for the rest of my life.”

Wells and Clarke say nothing.

Raven catches on and lets out a small breath. 

“You guys might get chosen too.”

Wells scrunches up his face and scoffs. 

“It’s not that,” he says, “god, I hope I don’t.”

Raven laughs and then looks at Clarke, who isn’t looking at either of them. Clarke is jealous of Wells’ certainty of not wanting to be chosen. She wishes she could say the exact same thing. But then she’d be lying. 

“What about you?” Raven asks softly, “what result are you hoping for?”

Clarke instantly feels grateful that Raven didn’t just assume she feels the same as Wells. It means she doesn’t have the same expectations as everyone else. This is the first time they’ve really spoken about what _she_ wants, as Clarke has always avoided talking about it. But now she has heard Raven ask, she feels like she can be truthful. 

“I honestly… don’t know,” Clarke says, and as soon as she says it she feels a weight lifted from her shoulders, “a part of me wants to stay. But the other part..”

She doesn’t even know how to finish that sentence, so she doesn’t. Raven waits to see if she will continue, and then speaks. 

“Wants to be with your best friend?” She smirks, effortlessly pushing herself up off the ground, and swinging back onto the ground so she’s sitting up. 

Clarke smirks back and nods. It’s true. The other part _does_ want to be with her best friend. But that’s not all it is. 

“You want something exciting,” Wells chirps in, and Clarke is taken aback by his words. She wasn’t sure how he’d react to this revelation, but by what he’s saying it sounds like he’s trying to understand her. 

She nods again, but slower this time, to let him know what he said really is true. 

She begins to wonder if he feels the same. 

“Having a change of heart, Jaha?” Raven asks jokingly, but there is a hint of seriousness in her voice. She must have begun to wonder the same as Clarke.

“No,” he says firmly, and smiles at Raven, before looking back to Clarke, “but I can see where you’re coming from.”

“So can I,” Raven says enthusiastically, “I know you, Clarke. We both do.”

She gestures to Wells. 

“And I know that you aren’t the type of person to settle for something.. ordinary. There’s more to you than meets the eye, you know? And while you might put on this boring, sensible front-”

“Hey,” Clarke playfully kicks Raven’s side, giggling. 

“Well, it’s true! But behind that front.. You crave danger.” 

Clarke processes what Raven says, and slowly, she can feel that tightening feeling in her chest fading. Raven just said the words that she has been trying to search for for days. _You crave danger._ Something about that makes Clarke feel thrilled. It scares her, but it invites her. 

“And I can totally see you shooting a gun, looking all badass,” Raven says, miming pointing a gun at Wells with a stern face, and then she flashes a toothy smile. 

Wells chuckles and nods along with Raven’s words. 

Suddenly the thought of taking the test doesn’t seem so scary anymore. It’s like Raven has turned it into some fantasy fiction story, or a movie, and Clarke is starring in it. She feels a smile creeping onto her face as she pictures herself leading literally any other life than the one she’s living now. 

She looks up at Raven again and shakes her head in awe.

“How do you manage to do it _every_ time, Reyes?” 

“What?”

“Turn something scary into.. Nothing at all.”

Raven shrugs and makes a sound as if to say _it’s what I do._

“I guess that’s just one of the many things that makes me awesome,” she says confidently, before turning to face the river. 

Clarke fixes her eyes on Raven for a moment, before glancing at Wells. She observes him as he gazes at Raven, not making any effort to look away anytime soon. The smile on his face doesn’t fade either. That is, until Raven looks at him again, and he awkwardly pretends that he wasn’t just practically making out with her through his eyes. Clarke smiles, telling herself to remember that moment. 

Raven lets out a deep breath, and alternates her glance between Wells and Clarke, beaming. 

“Maybe this won’t be so bad after all,” she finally says, and Clarke silently agrees.

The three go back to their comfortable silence, appreciating having each other’s company. 

Because this may be the last time they have it. 

-

Clarke, Wells and Raven walk to the testing center together. It’s not too far but they decided they’d all feel a little less weird about it if they went as a group. 

Clarke had walked past the center before but had never been inside. It’s an enormous glass building, shaped like a dome, and Clarke definitely thinks it’s way bigger than it needs to be. But of course, it would be all big and fancy, because it’s owned by The Guard. 

When they arrive, they see a large group of people all buzzing outside the doors. These are all the other teenagers that are being tested today. There must be hundreds, Clarke thinks. 

She recognises most of them, since there are only two schools in Polis. Raven and Wells go to the same one as her. Went. Clarke will have to get used to talking about their lives in past tense now. 

Her eyes land on Finn, who is standing and talking with another guy that Clarke hasn’t seen before. She resists the urge to stare at him and turns back to Raven and Wells. 

“Looks like we’re a little late,” she says. 

Wells hums in agreement, and they all collectively decide to join the crowd. She silently hopes that Finn won’t spot them. 

But he does.

He doesn’t even hesitate to walk over, leaving the brunette guy he was with on his own. The guy doesn’t seem to mind though, he just turns and starts kicking a stone under his boot. 

“Raven, Wells,” he says, nodding at the two of them like him and Raven were never a thing. Then he looks down at Clarke and smiles, “Clarke.”

“Hey,” Clarke says quietly, unsure of how Raven will take it. 

“Nervous?” he asks, mainly to Clarke but he quickly glances at Wells and Raven too. 

“Nope,” Raven snaps before Clarke can answer, “why, are you?”

“Nope.”

Clarke sheepishly looks between Raven and Finn, who seem to have started a contest of who can give each other the biggest death stares. Her eyes meet Wells’, and they both have to hold back their laughs. 

“Anyway,” Wells breathes, clearing his throat, but Clarke knows he’s just pushing back his laugh, “it looks like they’re letting people in.”

He gestures to the doors and the other three teens crane their necks to the front of the crowd. Clarke can only just make out the heads of a man and a woman standing at the doors before they go back inside. The crowd seems to be getting smaller as everyone pours in. 

“I’ll see you guys later,” Finn says quickly, before hurrying back to his previous spot. Probably to find the other guy, Clarke thinks. She keeps her eyes on him for as long as she can before he slips away into the mass of teenagers. 

“Hope not,” Raven mumbles under her breath, scowling. 

Wells and Raven begin talking, but Clarke doesn’t care to listen. She is too distracted by the fate of her future creeping closer as they walk towards the doors. 

When they reach the doors, Clarke notices the man and woman standing boldly at either side of the entrance. She recognises them straight away, but has never met them. 

Nia Asgeda and Cage Wallace. Two of the most important figures in Polis. Nia is one of the leaders of The Guard and works closely with the government, and Cage is the son of Dante Wallace, the president of Polis. 

All three of them play a huge part in the organisation that is The Guard, since it’s so heavily controlled by the government. Clarke has heard that Cage often works with The Guard, but she doesn’t know what role he takes on. 

As much as she tries to avoid it, Clarke ends up making eye contact with Cage, who sends a shiver down her spine as soon as he looks down at her. His eyes narrow and follow her as she continues to walk forward, not breaking her stare. He doesn’t break it either. But it’s not a pleasant exchange. It’s almost like the two are confessing their hatred towards each other, despite never having met before. Clarke supposes he’s trying to intimidate her, but she won’t show weakness. Instead she keeps her eyes on him, and he her, until he’s out of sight. 

When she turns a corner, following the herd of people in front of her, she looks back at Raven with a frown, but isn’t greeted with the same expression. Raven is smiling, and seems confused at Clarke’s discomfort. 

“What’s wrong?”

Clarke was hoping Raven had picked up on her interaction with Cage. 

“Just.. Cage. Gives me the creeps.”

“You and me both,” Raven sighs. 

The group continue walking down a corridor that seems to last forever, until they reach a larger room. Clarke doesn’t think it will be big enough to hold everyone, but sure enough they all manage to squeeze in. Once inside, Clarke faces the door again to see Nia walking in, alone. She expects to see Cage follow, but thankfully, he doesn’t. Must have got bored of having to actually work, Clarke thinks.

Nia walks with a confident posture, showing that she knows her place. She knows her power. Clarke admires that. 

She strides to the front and takes a step up onto the elevated stage. It’s not too high up, but it’s high enough for her to be seen by the mass of teens in front of her. 

Clarke takes this opportunity to look at the people standing around her. She sees Finn with the guy he was with earlier. The guy isn’t ugly, but the way he carries himself and the way he glares at anyone who dares to look at him, gives Clarke the impression that he's not the friendliest, and she knows she could never be attracted to him. She flicks her eyes over to Finn, who automatically meets her gaze. He smiles at her, and she suddenly wishes she never looked in his direction. 

That goddamn smile. 

She quickly smiles back and turns the other way, trying to take her mind off of him. The first person she sees is someone she recognises; a girl, standing alone, with a face that could have probably been crafted by god herself. She has piercing green eyes and soft dark brown hair that swiftly falls to just above her waist. She has a defining jawline, and Clarke can’t spot any flaws on the girl. 

She’s thin, but has a strong build. She would definitely be able to fight, take care of herself. Clarke can picture her in The Guard. 

The girl is rolling back and forth on the balls of her feet, craning her neck to look at the front of the room. She seems impatient, like she just wants to get on with the test. 

Clarke pulls apart her brain trying to remember the brunette’s name. Something beginning with O.. Olivia, perhaps? She knows that this girl went to the same school as Clarke, but a couple years ago she just didn’t show up one day, and never returned. Clarke hadn’t seen her since. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Nia clearing her throat, grabbing everyone’s attention. Clarke spots a microphone tucked into Nia’s collar. 

“You all know what you’re here for,” she speaks. Her voice is calm, but intimidating, “so I won’t drag this out. We will be testing you in groups-”

Makes sense, Clarke thinks. 

“Which have already been organised. People with surnames beginning with A are in group one, B group two, C group three.. And so on.

I will call out each letter one by one, and if you have that surname, please go through the door on my right and you will be taken to the waiting rooms.”

Clarke’s chest tightens, knowing she, Raven and Wells will all be separated. Wells turns to Clarke, as if he can read her mind. 

“It won’t take long,” he assures her, and she silently thanks him with a nod. 

As Nia begins to call out letters, the number of people in the room begins to decrease. Clarke knows she won’t have to wait too long before G is called. 

“F,” Clarke hears Nia announce after some time. 

“See you on the other side,” Raven smirks, and then furrows her eyebrows, “wait, what’s even happening afterwards? I didn’t really listen.”

“Just.. go home, I guess. I’ll meet you guys at the ceremony,” Clarke replies, and swallows the lump in her throat that seemed to form when she thought about the ceremony. 

Getting the test is bad enough, but actually finding out the results, in front of all these other teenagers, and all their families, Clarke thinks she might pass out. 

“Stop worrying,” Wells coos, gently landing his hand on Clarke’s shoulder. He must have noticed her concern, which she probably didn’t hide very well. 

Clarke sighs and shakes her head. If only it were that easy.

“I can’t,” is all she can say, before she realises the F group have all gone. 

“G,” Nia says coolly. 

Clarke tries to anchor herself to Nia’s calm tone, as a reminder to also be calm. 

She doesn’t waste any time joining the others who are leaving the room, as she can’t bear the thought of accidentally being left behind and having to find them all. 

Wells squeezes her shoulder before she goes, and Raven lifts her head up, bearing her chin. 

“Head up, Griffin,” she says, as Clarke begins to walk, “you got this.”

She winks, and Clarke smiles before turning back around. She speeds up, making sure she doesn’t fall behind. 

The group leave the room, and go down yet another corridor. Clarke looks forward and sees how it stretches and bends further down. She takes note of the many doors lined up on the wall, each one with a letter above it. Her group is led by a man, probably one of the many guards in this organisation. They go to the door marked “G”, and head inside. 

The room is fairly small, and there are benches placed at each wall, so they all face each other when they sit down. It’s dull, grey, and reminds Clarke of a prison cell. She’s never been inside one but she knows what they look like. There is a large steel door at the other side of the room, and she can guess where it leads to. 

The testing room. 

Before Clarke sits, her eyes land on another familiar face. As soon as she recognises him she mentally scolds herself for not realising they’d be together sooner. 

“Monty,” she exclaims, without even thinking.

A few people look, but she doesn’t care. She’s just happy to see a familiar face. 

Monty innocently looks up at her, pushing his black hair from his face. He grins when he sees her, and she briskly makes her way over to him. 

“Clarke,” he breathes, as she sits beside him, “I knew I’d be seeing you in here.”

She almost feels guilty for not thinking the same, but she brushes the thought from her mind, feeling herself become more relaxed. She finds comfort knowing she’s not alone in this part of the process. 

Monty Green was a friend from school. They’d never been particularly close, and were on the level of friendship where if they saw each other in the street, they’d say hi, but wouldn’t make conversation. It was a comfortable friendship. 

But they aren’t just meeting randomly in the street now. They’re together, waiting for their futures to be decided. 

“How are you?” she asks, and visibly winces at the naivety of her question. But she can’t quite think of what else to say right now. 

He chuckles. “I’m okay. You?” 

Clarke doesn’t feel like lying right now. 

“I don’t know,” she hums, and then shrugs. 

“Understandable.”

Before Clarke can reply, the steel door is being opened, and a woman appears. She’s wearing a long white lab coat, glasses, and her hair is pushed back into a neat ponytail. 

“Carlos Garton?” 

A guy, presumably Carlos, lifts himself up and follows the woman into the room. The steel door slams shut after them, a little too hard, and the sound is so loud that the teens sit in silence for a second, probably to try and calm down from the noise that just made them all jump out of their skin. Clarke realises everyone is on edge as she is, which strangely makes her feel better.

The chatter resumes, and Clarke looks back at Monty, who is spinning some kind of gadget in his hands. She glances at it but doesn’t ask. 

“So,” she lets out a breath as she speaks, “if you don’t mind me asking, what result are you hoping for?”

Clarke is expecting him to want to stay home. He, like her, is a bit of a bookworm, but he also excels in his science and engineering classes. 

“I’m actually hoping to join The Guard,” he says firmly, surprising Clarke. She doesn’t show her surprise. 

“Oh?” is all she can force out. 

“Not to fight, though,” he says, almost like he’s reassuring her, “to be an engineer. You know, that kind of stuff.”

Clarke feels like an idiot for forgetting. 

She was told a while ago that joining The Guard doesn’t mean you will be joining to train and leave the city. There’s other roles too. Things like engineering, for example, helping in the medical department, and so many more. 

Clarke nods.

“That makes sense,” she tells him.

Suddenly, Clarke realises that maybe she will be picked for a role other than a soldier. 

Abby Griffin is a doctor, so Clarke has grown up to learn one or two things about the profession. Maybe more than one or two. 

Perhaps she will be chosen to be a doctor?

Clarke hopes that that realisation will comfort her. But she doesn’t. It still doesn’t feel right. 

“And you?” Monty asks. 

Clarke almost forgot they were having a conversation. 

“Oh, uh.. You know, I’m starting to sound like a broken record player, but I don’t know that either,” they laugh together, “I mean.. I probably want to stay home. Be on the safe side.”

She looks at him, and knows he doesn’t believe that. 

“Right..” he says, smirking and narrowing his eyes. 

Clarke laughs again. 

“I suppose Jasper’s wanting the same outcome, then?” she asks, changing the subject. She doesn’t feel uncomfortable discussing her feelings but there really is nothing left to say. She doesn’t know what she wants. End of. 

“Yeah.”

Jasper Jordan: Monty’s best friend. His partner in crime. They’re similar in the way that they’re both into all the nerdy science stuff, but they also get up to a lot of trouble. Clarke internally smiles at the memory of when the pair were busted for drinking moonshine at the back of the school. She thinks about how Wells and Jasper will be waiting for the test together too, as they both have J surnames. She’s glad that he won’t be alone either.

“Partners in crime till the end, huh?” Clarke grins, and receives a cheeky nod. 

The woman in the lab coat comes out every five minutes and calls the next person in alphabetical order, and the next, and the next. Soon there are only a few people left sitting on the benches, Monty and Clarke among them. Clarke knows that Monty will be called first, and she’ll most likely be straight after. She shudders at the thought of sitting alone, even if it’s only for a few minutes. 

When Monty’s name is called, he takes a deep breath and slaps both hands on his knees. 

“Good luck,” Clarke says, cheerily. But there’s nothing cheerful about the way she feels right now. 

“You too.”

He awkwardly bounces over to the woman, and then they’re gone. 

Clarke is so close to the moment she’s been waiting for her whole life. 

The rest of the day seems to have flown by, but she knows that these next five minutes are going to feel like hours. 

She keeps her eyes fixed on the door, unable to look away. She’s drawn to it, like she’s drawn to the idea of joining The Guard. Like she’s drawn to danger. 

She thinks about Wells and Raven, and wonders if they’ve had their test yet. Their fates could already be decided, stored on a computer somewhere and waiting to be revealed. She wonders if Finn has been tested. If the guy he was with has been tested. If the pretty brunette who’s name she can’t remember has been tested. 

“Clarke Griffin?”

Clarke’s chest tightens hearing her name, and this time it’s more tight than it ever has been. She can feel the eyes of all the other teens burning on her. Waiting for her to go. They’re probably already making judgements of what result she’ll get.

Clarke hesitates before making eye contact with the woman, who greets her with a tired smile. She takes a deep breath, and gets to her feet. 

_Here we go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this chapter was a little slow and no bellamy yet but i’m trying not to rush the story. after all bellarke literally invented slowburn! don’t worry though, bellamy will be here soon ;) 
> 
> i hope you’re liking the story so far! i will try to update as often as i can. i’m also not sure of how many chapters there will be in the long run yet, i think that’s just something i’m going to have to figure out as i go along. this is my first fic so i’m really just learning as i go!


	2. the fearless pursuit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long to update! this chapter has quite a lot going on so i hope it makes up for the delay. :)

Clarke has always wondered how the test really works. 

She knows that it has been developed over generations with the most advanced tech in Polis, and she knows that it can somehow take apart your brain and scan it intricately, spotting your capabilities and your weaknesses. 

It picks up on the hidden things in your mind, the things about yourself that even you don’t know. 

And this fascinates Clarke. How can a machine learn so much about you? How can it see your bravery, your skills, your flaws?

When she walks into the room, followed closely by the woman in the lab coat, she doesn’t get a chance to take a look at her surroundings, as her eyes land on yet another familiar face. She feels her breathing get steadier because she knows she can rely on her trust with this tester.

He spins around on the wheels of his chair, smiling already like he was expecting to see her. 

“Hey Clarke.”

The man is Eric Jackson, a close friend of the Griffins. He and Abby have known each other for a while; they met on a medical training course that they took years ago. Since then, Clarke and her family had spent a lot of time with him and his, but she had no idea that he worked for The Guard. He must have only started recently, or had been keeping it a secret. Either way, it’s out in the open now. 

“Jackson,” Clarke breathes, going towards him. He gracefully gets up and takes her in his arms, before they pull away and give each other a smile. 

“I didn’t know you..” 

She doesn’t finish, because he probably doesn’t need her to. He presses his lips together and nods, as if he’s just been caught.

“Take a seat,” he says, clearly wanting to change the subject. Clarke will respect that. 

She finally actually looks at the room, quickly observing everything. There is a chair next to Jackson’s, like one you’d have to sit on at the dentist. Beside it there is a metal table, with a computer on the top, and there are wires coming out of it. They’re connected to some small round pads, which Clarke can’t quite work out what they are. There’s another door at the back of the room; presumably where you leave through. 

Then she sees the syringe in a small black container. Since she’s been around medical equipment her whole life, she’s never had any issues with them, but seeing one now makes her want to vomit. 

Attempting to ignore her fear, she does what Jackson says and takes a seat in the dentist chair. 

“This is my colleague, Becca,” he adds, gesturing to the woman who called Clarke’s name. They exchange a polite smile, “she’s gonna be here during the test to help me keep an eye on things. And also for your moral support, if you need it.”

He smiles when he finishes speaking, as if he’s talking to a nervous ten year old. 

Clarke thinks she probably isn’t far off from one. 

“What’s the needle for?” she can’t stop herself asking. 

“For the test we have to put you to sleep. When you’re unconscious your brain is more active, which means the computer can get a better read,” he replies swiftly. Clarke knows he’s probably had to say that more than a few times today. 

“It’ll be over before you know it,” Becca reassures. 

Clarke nods. 

She watches as Jackson types something on the computer, and then picks up the two wires hanging from the side. He brings each of the wires to Clarke’s temples, and firmly presses the pads on the end of them on her. His hands feel cool on her skin, and she tries to focus on that feeling more than anything else. 

It will be over before you know it, she reminds herself. 

“Okay.. you might feel a little pinch..” Jackson speaks slowly as he fiddles with the syringe. 

And she does. As it sharply pierces her skin, she can almost feel the liquid spilling into her veins, gradually weakening her. 

“Now just start counting down from ten out loud, and I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Clarke glances at Jackson, like she wants his reassurance, and he understands that. He nods a smile, and Clarke tips her head back on the headrest. Actually, she thinks it fell back. She couldn’t hold it up by herself anymore. 

“Ten, nine, eight, se…” The pauses between Clarke’s words get longer and longer until eventually she can’t get her words out anymore. Her vision becomes blurry, and the last thing she sees is the intensely bright ceiling lights, before her eyes fall shut. 

And then she’s awake again. 

But she’s somewhere else. Clarke is standing up now, in a room of.. Nothing. Her surroundings are shrouded in darkness, but seem to stretch for miles. There is only a light on her, but when she looks up to find the source, she sees nothing. She feels her temples for the wired pads, but they’re gone. 

Her breathing quickens as she desperately looks around. 

“Hello?” her frantic voice echoes, and she winces at how loud it is, “Jackson?”

She takes a step forward and hears water splashing. Glancing down, she realises she’s now ankle deep in water. 

“What?” she mumbles, trying to work out what’s happening. 

“Clarke!”

She spins around at the sound of her voice being called. 

“Clarke!” The voice is clearer now, louder, and sounds more alarmed. Clarke recognises it.

“Raven?” she screams back. No response. 

Following the sound of Raven’s voice, Clarke hurriedly begins to wade her way through the water, which seems to be rising. 

“Raven, I’m coming!”

“Clarke!”

She hears her name again, but this time it’s coming from behind, and it’s a different voice. Clarke turns, her mouth gaping. 

“Wells!” she cries out. 

Then, she hears Raven and Wells’ voices sounding from opposite directions, but they aren’t calling Clarke’s names anymore. They’re screaming like they're in pain.

“Oh my god,” Clarke breathes, if she’s even breathing. She thinks she can even hear the pounding of her heart getting faster and louder. 

The screams start to surround her, like they’re drifting in mid air. Clarke turns and turns back at every one, screeching her friends’ names. If they’re hurt, she needs to get to them. The noises get closer and closer, and the water gets higher and higher, until-

Clarke wakes up again, gasping the biggest breath she’s probably ever taken. She instantly sits upright, grasping onto anything close to her. She finds Jackson’s arms reaching out to her, and doesn’t hesitate to clutch them. 

“Clarke- hey, Clarke. You’re okay. You’re safe,” he says gently. 

She tries to calm herself down, focusing on slowing her breathing. She begins to understand that that wasn’t real.

But what the fuck was it? Where did she go? Why did no one warn her about that?

“What was.. Where.. What?” Clarke tries to ask those questions, but can only manage a few words. She feels like her brain has been fried. 

“What did you see?” Jackson suddenly sounds more intrigued than caring. He tilts his head forward and narrows his eyes, waiting for Clarke to elaborate. 

Clarke looks over at Becca, who is leaning over the other side of her, with the same expression as Jackson. 

Moral support, huh?

“I was.. I was somewhere dark..” she replies, not looking at either of them. She takes her time trying to recall exactly what happened, “there was water.. At my feet. And I could hear my friends screaming my name. They were in danger. I was trying to get to them, but I couldn’t find them..”

She meets Jackson’s eyes again. “What was that?”

He sighs. “It’s not uncommon for that to happen. With some people, the test challenges their brain too hard, so their brain comes up with a kind of.. Simulation, to deal with the confusion and fear of all these chemicals invading your mind. But what happens in it is more personal to the individual. Sometimes it manifests itself in a form of your fears, or your desires. That part is up to you to decide, really.”

Clarke can tell he’s trying to explain it as simply as he can for her, and it makes sense. Sort of. She guesses it was her fears. Not being able to help her friends. Not being able to do anything. Just having to stand there.. powerless. 

“Kind of like a defense mechanism, if you will,” Becca chimes in, nodding. 

Clarke nods back, trying to pretend she’s okay with what she just experienced. 

“There’s just one more mini test we have to do,” Jackson says, and Clarke’s head snaps to look at him, alarmed at possibly having to experience that again. He notices her expression, and lifts up his hands in defense, “only a small one. It’s just a blood test, you won’t be going to sleep, or having any more.. Dreams.

9 out of 10 times, nothing abnormal shows up. But there’s still that chance, so this is just a precaution. Nothing to worry about.”

Jackson takes another needle, connects it to a tube that leads to a device that’s also connected to the computer, and then brings it to Clarke’s wrist. This time she feels even more on edge, knowing what went on in her brain when she was injected moments ago. 

“You okay?” Jackson asks, softly. 

She doesn’t want sympathy and she’d rather just get this over with, so she falsely nods. He proceeds to push the needle into her. 

Clarke watches as her blood flows into the tube, rushing to the other side of it. She assumes it disappears into the device, and the computer must have some way of reading said device, but she has no idea how it works. 

Jackson’s eyes flick up to the screen, and he stares at it for a few seconds, before his face falls slightly. So slight and subtle that you wouldn’t notice it unless you were directly watching him, which Clarke is. 

He briefly looks at Clarke, and then back to the computer. His expression is one she can’t quite read. Is it confusion? Anger? Pity?

Becca has gone to the opposite side of the room to where Jackson is sitting, sorting through some files in a cabinet. She must not be expecting anything strange to happen, same as Jackson. 

He quickly switches off the device and then gently removes the tube from Clarke’s arm. She tries to catch his gaze, but he’s moving around too much, like he’s avoiding her. He tapes a piece of cotton to the hole in her skin, probably to stop the slight bleeding. Then after taking a deep breath, he meets her eyes again. She sees his expression clearer now. 

It’s fear. Urgency. 

“Becca, would you mind getting Clarke some water?” he asks, almost calmly, “I think she’s still a little shaken.” He doesn’t look away from Clarke.

“Of course,” she replies sympathetically, and leaves the room. 

Clarke narrows her eyes at him, but out of confusion rather than spite. Why is he so spooked? Jackson is one of the laid back people she’d ever met, so this must be huge. 

What the hell is wrong with her now?

Once the door is closed, the room is filled with a tense silence. He starts slowly shaking his head, continuing to stare into her eyes, like he’s trying to work something out. 

“It’s supposed to be negative..” he mumbles, so quietly Clarke almost can’t hear him. But she does, because she can’t focus on anything else right now, “it’s always negative.”

“What is?” she asks, but he doesn’t reply, “what is?” She pushes harder this time, raising her voice slightly. 

His eyes widen and he leans closer to her, desperately trying to hush her. 

“Jackson, what the fuck?” she whispers. 

“If anyone asks, your second test result was negative, okay? It was negative. I can change it in the system, so they won’t find out, but you..” he looks at the floor as he talks, but then looks at her again, and Clarke thinks she can see a hint of a smile on his face. Surely not, “you’re special..”

Clarke has about a million questions swelling in her mind. 

“Why do I have to lie?” is the first thing she can get out. 

“You’re in danger. If they find out..” he trails off, leaving Clarke even more confused. 

“Why?”

“If I tell you, I’ll be putting you in more danger. Please, Clarke, just trust me,” he pleads, “I’m trying to protect you.”

She sighs, and then reluctantly nods. She knows that she can trust him. She knows that. But she needs the truth. 

Before she can say anything else, he is rushing her onto her feet, guiding her to the back door. She tries to stop him, planting herself on the floor.

“Jackson, wait-”

“Clarke, I know you want me to tell you everything, but I can’t. For your own safety, I can’t. Not yet. The more you know, the more likely it is they’ll find out. No one can know. Not your friends, not Abby. Or they’ll be in danger too,” he says, stopping in front of her. She doesn’t budge, and he sighs, “I will tell you one day. But for right now, we both need to pretend everything is normal, okay?”

Clarke stares at him, and realises how much he is genuinely trying to protect her. Surely by hiding whatever this is from The Guard, he’s putting his job, and possibly his life, at risk. He’s doing that for her. 

She needs to respect that. 

“Okay,” she finally replies. 

He lets out a sigh of relief, and they make their way to the door again. 

Jackson pushes on the handle and swings open the door, filling the room with the harsh sunlight from outside. She gently pushes her out, and she turns back to look at him when she’s standing on the concrete area. 

“Thank you for protecting me,” she says quietly, just in case someone else is out here. 

“Always,” he nods, and then turns to go back into the building, but halts to say something else, “and Clarke? You’re gonna be okay.” He slams the door shut, leaving Clarke alone, staring at where he once stood.

Once Jackson is back inside, he makes his way over to the computer, not letting himself look at the screen again. He starts preparing the area for the next person, but he can’t stop himself from reading her results again. His heart pounding, he lifts his eyes and lets himself process what it says. 

The words are flashing in red, making themselves known. 

_ Positive: Immune.  _

-

The ceremony comes quick. Quicker than Clarke expected. 

The Guard must decide who’s joining them pretty quickly, since the ceremony is only hours after the testing centre closes. 

Clarke had tried to avoid her mother as much as she could since she returned from being tested. She was too afraid of accidentally slipping up and revealing what happened.

Abby respected that; it’s not like they’re the type of mother and daughter to have heart to hearts.

Clarke decided she wanted to be alone until it was time to leave for the ceremony. She needed the time to process everything that happened. 

She had tried to think of every possible thing for what the test was looking for, and why it was negative for her. Was it a problem with her blood? Or her heart? Is she going to be told she has six months left to live? Her brain actually began to throb after thinking too much about it, so she decided to stop dwelling. 

When it’s time for the ceremony, Abby and Clarke walk to the venue together. It isn’t a long journey. It’s taking place in a huge arena, which Clarke had also never been inside of. She wishes that she could know what it looks like, so she can at least have some familiarity with the place when she’s up in front of everyone, getting her result. She shudders at the thought of all those people staring at her.    
Clarke doesn’t speak to her mother on the way there. There’s nothing to say. Abby doesn’t try to make any conversation, which is good. At least they’re on the same page.

She isn’t angry with her; there truly is just nothing to say. They aren’t the type of mother and daughter to make small talk, and Clarke is fine with that. 

When they arrive, Clarke sees the same crowd of teenagers that were outside the testing centre, only now the crowd size is doubled because they are all standing with their parents. 

Her eyes land on Wells, who is standing with his mother and father. Clarke is surprised to see his mother, because she’s never around much. Neither is his father, really, but it’s for different reasons. His parents split a while ago; Clarke doesn’t know why. But since then, his mother has barely seen him. Wells always says he doesn’t care because they were never close, which Clarke can relate to, but deep down they both know that there’s a part of them, even if it’s small, that wishes they could be closer with their mothers. And his dad, Thelonious Jaha, works for the government, which is why he is busy a lot of the time. He and Wells are fairly close though, and when Clarke’s father was alive, the four of them would often spend time together. 

She longs for those days.

Clarke spots Raven too, standing with Wells’ family. Clarke isn’t surprised that she’s with them. Raven never met her father, and her mother is an alcoholic who is almost never seen with Raven. They’re always striving to avoid each other; when Raven is home, her mother isn’t, and vice versa. Clarke didn’t even have to question whether she’d make an appearance for her daughter, and she knows Raven wouldn’t want her to anyway. 

Abby sees them all too.

“You wanna head over?” she asks, hesitantly.

“Sure,” is all Clarke says, before they’re walking over. 

“Hey!” Raven exclaims when she catches sight of them. 

Wells and his parents turn to look, and greet them with a smile.

“Hi, Raven,” Abby tilts her head sadly, “how are you doing?”

Clarke quietly sighs and closes her eyes, knowing by her tone that Abby is only asking because she will have noticed the fact that Raven’s mom isn’t here. 

Raven doesn’t catch on.

“I’m good,” she replies, lacking the familiar energy she usually has when she speaks. Clarke is the only one to notice this. 

“Abby, it’s good to see you,” a calm voice says. 

Clarke looks to Thelonius, who’s hand is stretched out in front of him, shaking Abby’s. 

“You too, Thelonius.” 

Wells’ mother is smiling at Abby, in replacement of a greeting. 

“Clarke,” Thelonius politely nods at her, and she smiles back. 

It feels awkward with him, but it shouldn’t. When she and her father would spend time with Wells and his, it was never awkward. He would make her laugh. Really laugh. 

But when her father died, they stopped hanging out. She saw him occasionally, but things could never go back to the way they were. 

“You kids ready for tonight?” Wells’ mom asks, sharing her glance between the three teens.

“I am, actually,” Raven smiles, and looks at Clarke, “this is the start of our new lives.” 

Everyone could hear that last part, but Clarke knows it was only for her. 

When the doors open and the crowd begins to pour inside, Clarke notices that there are security guards splitting up teens from their families, gesturing them to opposite directions. Clarke, Wells and Raven go where they are told to go, which is down yet another corridor that leads to yet another large room. Clarke hopes she won’t have to visit either the testing centre and here ever again, for multiple reasons, but one being that she would have no idea how to navigate herself around the place. 

She spots Nia at the front of the room, having what seems like quite a formal conversation with Cage. Well, formal on her part at least; he is slouched against the wall with his hands in his pockets, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Are you okay?” Raven asks Clarke after a while. Wells is off somewhere talking to Monty and Jasper. 

She must have noticed that Clarke has been a little off, as much as she’s tried to hide it. And why wouldn’t she be off? Mere hours ago she was told that she was in danger, that she has to hide the truth from everyone she cares about, and she has no idea why. 

“Nervous,” Clarke lies, hoping Raven will buy it and just leave her be. She doesn’t.

“Clarke.”

“What?”

“What is up with you?” Raven pleads, and when Clarke shrugs, she sighs heavily, rolling her eyes, “fine.”

Clarke feels her chest tighten as she watches her friend turn to face away from her, clearly sulking. 

She bites her lip, giving in to the guilt of pushing Raven away. 

“I just..” she starts, and Raven immediately spins around, eyes wide. Clarke mentally scolds herself for how easily she caved, “I had a weird experience with the test. While I was asleep, I.. it was like a nightmare. My mind’s ‘defense mechanism’, as they called it.”

She’s not technically lying. Clarke did have a strange vision in her mind while the test was happening, but that’s not what’s eating away at her right now. She just hopes it’s enough to make Raven believe her. 

“I had one too,” Raven nods, and Clarke perks up. 

She wonders if this could mean Raven also got a positive result in her second test, and maybe Clarke doesn’t have to go through this alone. 

“You did?”

Of course she did. Raven Reyes’ mind is not something that can easily be hacked into, even by an advanced machine. 

“Mmm. I was.. Trapped. And I had this puzzle I had to work out, so I could free myself. While it was happening I didn't know what the actual puzzle was. All I knew is that I had to figure it out, but every time I thought I was close, something would go wrong, and I’d be a step behind again.”

Clarke nods along with her words, not breaking her stare. She waits for her to continue, wondering if she’ll mention an anomaly with her second results. 

“And then..-”

“And then what?” Clarke pushes. 

“And then I woke up,” Raven says, underwhelmingly. She’s looking at Clarke as if she’s worried she said the wrong thing. 

“And then what happened?” 

Raven furrows her eyebrows, frowning. She lets out a breath and shakes her head, trying to remember what happened next. It must have been nothing if she had to think about it. 

“Then I did the blood test and left,” she shrugs. 

Clarke sighs quietly to herself, trying not to let Raven see through her. So Raven got a normal result. She didn’t experience what Clarke did. Or perhaps she did, and unlike Clarke she’s just putting on an amazing front. 

“Why, was it different for you?” Raven says, slowly. She’s reading Clarke, trying to work out what’s going on in her head, and Clarke starts panicking. She repeats Jackson’s words silently. 

_ No one can know. _

“No,” Clarke clears her throat, and before Raven can argue any further, they are interrupted by Nia speaking into her microphone. 

“Welcome.”

The room goes quiet and all heads turn to the front. Clarke sees Raven roll her eyes again and give her a look that says ‘we’ll talk about this later.’

“This is what you’ve been waiting for,” she says, smiling proudly, “today our systems have analysed each and every one of you. Whatever result you get, is what we’ve seen in your heads. We’ve seen courage, we’ve seen weakness, we’ve seen determination. And we’ve seen potential. And tonight, you’ll see it too.”

Clarke watches as a few people glance at each other, some looking scared, others looking thrilled. Clarke is a mix of both. 

“If you could please follow me into the arena, and sit at the empty chairs on the front rows. The ceremony will begin once everyone is seated. President Wallace will be the one delivering your results. He will call your names out in alphabetical order of your surnames, just like earlier. Only now, you’ll be on your own. He’ll be waiting on stage to read out your result, and then you’ll just return to your seat. Afterwards you’ll be taken to separate waiting rooms, one for those joining The Guard, and one for those staying home.”

She nods to herself, like she’s doing a mental checklist of everything she needed to say, and then she leaves the room. Everyone follows. 

President Wallace. Shit. 

Clarke had never met him before, and the few times she saw him in person were at important events in town; he’d make some sort of speech and then leave.

She would recognise him anywhere though, as his face is often plastered around the many screens that are placed on the high buildings in the main city centre. He’d be making announcements when his face would appear, or talking about the benefits of joining The Guard. Whatever. 

Clarke takes a deep breath, and looks at Raven, who surprisingly also seems a little nervous now. Clarke knows Raven isn’t going to push about what happened before - not yet anyway. They both know that this isn’t the time. 

Wells doesn’t catch up with them again before they reach their seats, so Clarke and Raven assume he’s with Monty and Jasper. 

The inside of the arena is bigger than Clarke expected. But it has to fit all the families of the teenagers getting their results, so she supposes it has to be this big. She stares up at the towering stands of seats, all full with people. It isn’t silent, everyone is chatting, which Clarke is glad about. It makes this all seem a little less scary. 

Only a little.

Clarke’s eyes land on the huge round stage that is in front of the seats, lit up by a single bright spotlight. On it, there’s nothing but a podium and a microphone. That must be where the president stands. 

She and Raven sit together, and on the other side of Clarke is someone she hasn’t talked to before. She wishes Wells was beside her. 

It doesn’t take long for everyone to take their seats and once the room finally quiets down, President Wallace strides onto the stage. 

Clarke takes a moment to get a good look at him. He’s old, but not old enough to retire. He still has a sense of power about him, something intimidating. But at the same time, Clarke almost feels sorry for him. He seems tired. Like he wants to retire, but also like he’s ready to take on anything. 

“Good evening everybody,” he smoothly says into the microphone. 

His voice erupts from every corner of the room, ten times louder than it needs to be. Clarke almost jumps out of her skin when he talks. 

“I’m Dante Wallace,”  _ Like anyone doesn’t know who he is _ . “Parents. Today, your children will be given information that will change their lives. Whatever result they get, each and every one of them is important. They are the future. And they’re sitting in the same seats you sat in, however long ago, so you know how nerve wracking this moment is. I won’t waste any more time. Let’s begin.”

And he wastes no time at all.

“Samuel Ahmed.” 

Clarke wonders how they’ll announce it. How will they tell them whether they’ve been chosen? Maybe it’s just a simple ‘sorry, not you,” or a pat on the back with a “you just weren’t good enough.”

Clarke trails her eyes as Samuel awkwardly shuffles his way to the stage. She’d spoken to him a few times before and he was always pretty shy. 

He must hate being the first one up there.

When he steps up onto the levelled stage, he joins Dante who is holding an electronic tablet of some sort in his hands. Must be where he reads the results from.

He greets him with half a smile, and then glances down to his tablet.

“You’ll be staying home,” he says, without even taking a breath. 

The sound of applause emerges from behind Clarke, making her jump again. She joins in politely, but isn’t sure what she’s clapping for. 

Samuel visibly lets out a sigh of relief, shakes Dante’s outstretched hand and then goes back to his seat.

Simple as that.

Maybe it will be as simple as that for Clarke, too. She’ll be told she’s staying home, she’ll get a round of applause, and then she’ll sit. And that will be it. 

She feels as though if that was the case, the sound of clapping from everyone in the room would taunt her. Mock her. Like they’re congratulating her for not being good enough. 

Dante reads out some more names, and it seems to go quite quick. Clarke thought it would take a while, but Dante stuck to his word about not wasting any time. She supposed he’s done this so many times that it’s all a big blur to him, and his main goal is to get it all over with. 

There’s a mix of people who are chosen to stay home, and chosen to join The Guard. There’s a mix of reactions too, but no one ever seems genuinely disappointed with their result. They seem to just be accepting it. Clarke hopes she can do the same. 

Raven whispers things to her every now and then, and she replies with a nod or a smile each time, because she’s not really paying attention to what she’s saying right now.

“Octavia Blake.”

Octavia.  _ That  _ was the pretty brunette’s name. 

Even her name is pretty.  _ Octavia Blake.  _ It sounds like the name of the strong main character in some fantasy novel. 

Clarke gets the impression that she is definitely strong. 

Octavia hurries over to the stage, almost tripping over her own feet, and then steps up onto it. 

She’s staring at Dante with wide, intrigued eyes, desperate for her results. 

And, as Clarke expected, he tells her she is joining The Guard. Octavia lets a smile creep on her face as everyone claps, and she nods to Dante as they shake hands, a thank you. He looks at her as if to say ‘it was all you’. 

Clarke wonders if there’s another reason Octavia is so determined to join The Guard. It could just be because she is ready for a new life, but something tells Clarke that there’s something else.

The applause dies down just as Octavia reaches her seat again. Clarke watches her grip her knees with her fingers, like she’s checking to see if this is all real. She smiles to herself, and Clarke can’t help but smile too, even though Octavia isn’t looking at her. She feels happy for her. 

Finn’s name is called not too long after. To no one’s surprise, he is also told that he’s joining The Guard. He grins as everyone claps, and returns to his seat. Clarke turns to Raven when the next name is called, expecting to see her scowling, but she actually has the ghost of a smile on her face. Raven spots Clarke looking and clears her throat. 

“What?” she whispers, pretending Clarke didn’t just catch her showing a hint of joy for Finn’s success. 

Clarke shakes her head, snickering.

When Monty’s name is announced, Clarke knows she will be soon, if not next. She purses her lips and lets out a breath, trying to push down whatever is rising up her throat. 

Monty is chosen to join The Guard. He seems pretty chill about it, not too happy, not sad, just satisfied. He bounces off the stage and meets Clarke’s eyes as he walks past her. He nods at her and then he’s gone. She stares straight ahead, at Dante, who is looking down at his tablet. 

“Clarke Griffin,” he says, looking up again to see who will stand up and join him next. 

It feels like the world freezes.

Shakily, she gets to her feet, trying to ignore the hundreds of eyes that are on her right now. Before standing up, Raven squeezes her elbow, but Clarke isn’t even thinking straight to do anything back. 

She slowly walks to the front, not because she’s trying to stall, but because she’s scared that if she walks any quicker she will lose her balance and fall in front of everyone. She doesn’t take her eyes off the floor, making sure she has full control of where her feet are moving. 

When she reaches Dante, she knows he will be telling her her result in mere seconds. He hasn’t wasted any time with anyone else, so he won’t with her.

She glances up at him and receives a reassuring smile, but she doesn’t feel reassured. She thinks her heart is beating so quick that it’s going to fly out of her chest.

He takes another look at his tablet, and then meets her eyes again. 

“You will be joining The Guard.”

-

_ You will be joining The Guard.  _

The ceremony is over. 

Once everyone had been given their results, they were taken to the separate waiting rooms, like Nia had said before.

Clarke is standing on her own, barely holding herself up. Raven disappeared somewhere, but Clarke can’t remember where she said she was going. She can’t focus on anything right now; all she can do is replay what happened in her head.

-

After Dante said those words, Clarke felt about a million emotions hit her all at once. She wasn’t sure whether to smile or just to burst out crying, so she settled for a quick nod at the president after he shook her hand, and then she darted off the stage, close to sprinting back to her seat.

The roar of applause seemed so deafening as she walked, but at the same time, it felt so silent. Everything felt strange, and Clarke was just focused on sitting down before she collapsed. 

People were staring, and smiling as she glanced at them, but she didn’t smile back. She physically couldn’t do it. She knew exactly what everyone was thinking. She was thinking the same. How on earth has a girl like her being chosen for something like this?

Raven grabbed onto her hand as soon as she slumped down into her seat. 

“Listen, I’m gonna be by your side the whole time, okay? Everything’s going to be fine. I’m proud of you. So proud,” Raven tried to whisper, but it came out louder than she expected. 

Clarke couldn’t remember when she stopped breathing, but she let out a breath that she was holding in. 

“I know,” is all Clarke could manage to say. 

She faced Raven and smiled. Whether it’s a fake smile or a genuine smile, Clarke didn’t know. She just smiled.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

Raven squeezed her hand again, and they kept their fingers intertwined for however long. 

That was it. Clarke’s future had been decided. 

And she’s ready. 

-

Raven returns with a water bottle, and hands it to Clarke, who doesn’t hesitate to twist off the cap and start gulping the liquid down. She definitely needed this. 

“So, uh, I just overheard someone saying that they’re bringing the families in here and then we’re leaving,” Raven says, scratching her head. Her leg is bouncing, like she can’t wait to be off.

“What, now?” Clarke thought she’d have time to say goodbye to Wells. And her mother.

Wells hadn’t been chosen for The Guard. Clarke feels some comfort knowing that he won’t be at risk, and he’ll be able to lead a normal life at home, just as he wanted.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Clarke!”

Clarke turns to see her mother coming her way. She isn’t running. She isn’t in much of a rush to say goodbye to her daughter. 

Still, when she reaches her, she puts her arms around her, and Clarke hugs her back. There’s no time to be awkward. 

“Oh, Clarke,” she breathes into her shoulder. 

“I’ll be okay,” Clarke reassures her when they pull away. Abby keeps her hands gripped around Clarke’s arms.

Abby nods, but she’s clearly unsure.

“You’re such a strong girl. You can do so much more than you know,” she says. 

Clarke appreciates it. She doesn’t know if it’s true, but she appreciates it still. 

“Thank you.”

“And Raven,” Abby pulls Raven to her, hugging her too. Clarke is glad she hugged her, because Raven’s mom isn’t here to do it. She’s glad that she has  _ someone  _ to hug right now, “you look after her.”

That was only meant for Raven, but Clarke hears it too. She knows it was in Clarke’s favour, but she can’t help but feel a little scorned that Abby doesn’t think she can look after herself.

Maybe she can’t.

“Oh I will,” Raven chuckles, “we’ll take care of each other.”

Clarke nods. Raven always knows the right thing to say, to make her feel better. 

Shortly after, the rest of the teenagers in the room are escorted outside, and towards the train station, which is just next to the arena. 

Clarke and Raven are both desperately looking around as they walk behind everyone, searching for the same thing. The same guy. 

“Raven!” someone shouts. 

The two girls spot Wells running over to them, and he collides into them both, his arms wrapped around their shoulders.

“Oh thank god,” Raven gasps, “I thought I wouldn’t be seeing you.” 

Wells pulls back, and looks between the two of them, not even trying to hide his grin.

“I’m not even supposed to..” he’s out of breath, “I’m meant to be with.. I couldn’t let you.. leave.” 

He doesn’t finish; Clarke and Raven know what he means. 

“Look at you both,” he laughs, “my two girls going off to save the world.” 

“Something like that,” Raven laughs back. 

Clarke notices how their gazes linger on each other for a moment, before simultaneously looking at Clarke.

“You gonna be okay?” Wells asks honestly. 

Clarke isn’t quite sure of how to answer that, but she meets eyes with Raven, and suddenly everything is fine again.

“You know what?” Clarke breathes, her lips curling up, “I think I’ll be more than okay.” 

The three talk for as long as they can, before everyone else is gone Clarke and Raven are the last ones waiting to get on the train. The conductor is sternly beckoning them over.

“Are  _ you  _ gonna be okay?” Clarke turns to Wells.

He nods, and smiles.

They don’t say anything else. 

Clarke and Raven get on the train, and Wells stays in the courtyard, not budging from his spot. It doesn’t take long for the train to slowly start moving, and Clarke sadly watches Wells through the window. 

She presses her hands against the glass, flat out, and he lifts his own hand up, turning it into a wave. She can’t tear her eyes away from him, not until he is completely out of sight. 

And then he’s gone. 

It’s dark now, so Clarke can’t see anything but street lights out of the window. But she knows that soon, the train will be going up the hill that leads to the other side of Polis, The Guard’s side, and she’ll get a view of the whole city.

“So, are you gonna tell me about what happened during your test?” Raven asks, a little too loudly.

Clarke hushes her, but no one around them heard. Hopefully. 

“There’s nothing to tell,” she lies.

Before Raven can reply, the complete darkness outside is replaced with the shining lights of the city. All of the buildings are lit up, and the carriage goes quiet as everyone looks out of their windows. 

Clarke had been on the train before, but she’d never seen the view at night. It’s beautiful.

In the distance, Clarke sees their destination. The Guard, probably the brightest area in the whole city, in all its glory. And just past there, she can see the faint outline of the wall that protects the city. She suddenly feels tiny; she’s tiny anyway, but now she feels minuscule. 

“What do you think is out there?” Clarke wonders, not even realising she said it out loud. She doesn’t have to explain that she’s referring to what’s beyond the wall. 

“I don’t know..” Raven slowly replies, staring at the city in awe, “monsters, maybe?” 

She turns and smirks, and Clarke smirks back. 

For all they know, Raven could be right. They have no idea what’s out there. 

But soon, they’re going to find out. 

And Clarke couldn’t be more thrilled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for a lack of bellamy!! i promise he'll show up soon (next chapter!)
> 
> i'd really appreciate feedback on this story since like i said before this is my first fic so i'd love to know what people think!


	3. what is beyond?

The train pulls into the station sooner than Clarke expected.

She and Raven spend the rest of the journey in silence, probably trying their best to process the fact that their new lives are about to begin. Their new dangerous lives. 

When the train slows, Clarke looks out of the window again, and takes a breath as she observes what’s outside. 

From the station she can see The Guard district, and it’s exactly how she pictured it. She’s almost blinded by the floodlights that are scattered around the courtyard, in front of a large fence that surrounds the area. Clarke sees a few guards on alert, clutching their guns with their lives. She’s not sure why they seem so cautious since the only people that are about to enter are the horde of nervous eighteen year olds currently sitting on the train. 

The train stops and Clarke and Raven follow everyone off it. They’re following someone, but Clarke is too far back to see who. She cranes her neck upwards and takes another look at the place, trying to ignore how terrifying and intense it all feels. 

“Shit, feels like we’re going to jail,” Raven says, and Clarke laughs. 

She’d usually reply with some witty joke, but right now she’s too preoccupied on making it to wherever they’re heading without passing out. 

They go into the main building, and go down a few corridors, which are pretty long, and brightly lit with ceiling lights. Clarke has had enough of corridors for one day. Soon they are taken into a theatre like room, with slanted seats going upwards. Clarke turns to see a large screen at the front, and scrunches her eyebrows at Raven, wondering what it’s for.

Everyone is instructed by the guards to take a seat, so they do. When Clarke sits, she watches as the rest of the new members of The Guard trail in, finding spaces to sit down. There must be nearly a hundred of them, at least. Finn and his friend are one of the last ones to come in, and they walk up the stairs towards where Clarke and Raven are sitting. Clarke notices the two spare seats in the row in front of theirs, which is where they sit. Finn catches Clarke’s eye before he perches himself, and flashes her a smile. 

If he smiles at her one more time she might spontaneously combust. 

Almost immediately after everyone has taken their seats, the lights turn off, plunging the room into darkness. 

“Got any popcorn?” Clarke jokingly whispers to Raven, who sniggers in return. 

The screen switches on, and Nia’s face appears on it. 

“I’m getting really tired of her popping up everywhere,” Raven quietly groans, and Clarke smiles.

“I think you’re gonna have to get used to that.” 

Nia begins to speak.

_“If you’re watching this, you have been chosen to join The Guard._

_I’m sure you’re all wondering what we do here. What this city has been protecting you from your whole lives. The secret of what is beyond those walls. Well, the time for you to learn the truth has come._

_Decades ago, we weren’t confined to one city, fenced off from the rest of the planet. The population was at an increasing seven billion, and the world was at peace. Society was.. somewhat_ stable.”

Nia disappears from the screen, and is replaced with a recording of a busy street, filled with people. The camera begins to move through the street, turning corners like it’s flying through. The people in the streets are shopping, eating, talking, laughing. The camera then flies upwards, zooming out of this area and revealing a birds eye view of the whole city, wherever it is. It keeps going, and there is no wall protecting it. No guards with guns patrolling the outskirts, no wasteland around it. Just a normal, free city. 

_“This is what the world was. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a completely different place to what it is now._ ”

Clarke sighs, wishing she could have experienced what it was like before. 

A family appears on the screen. They’re sitting on a beach, looking out at the horizon. Children are playing with the sand. They look happy. Clarke smiles slightly, and imagines what it must have been like to sit on a beach. To play in the sea. To feel the sand in between your toes. 

Of course, there are no beaches in Polis, so Clarke knows she’ll never get to see one. 

The family are laughing and talking, but then the recording freezes. 

“ _But,_ _like everything in life, nothing lasts forever. Something was coming, something that would change the world forever. No matter how hard humans can try to escape it, fate will always catch up with them. It started with one man in a small village who started to get ill. He shrugged it off as nothing, because at first, it seemed like nothing, and he expected it to go away like a sickness usually does. But it didn’t. Not only did it not go away, it got horrifically worse. He passed the illness onto his wife, who passed it onto their children, and before they knew it, more and more people were getting sick._ ”

Clarke almost gasps when a video of a person with blood streaming from their eyes, their nose, their ears and their mouth flashes on screen. They’re coughing uncontrollably and shrieking out in agony. 

_“No doctor had ever seen anything like it. The toxicity in the patient’s blood cells was almost triple the amount of what the highest ever recorded was. It was making its way around the planet, on a murder spree. Medical experts around the globe tried everything to treat it, but they failed every time. Soon, the virus had spread to every single country in the world, and the population was dropping rapidly._ ”

A quick montage of images pop up on the screen, a blur of bodies covered in white sheets. Mass graves. Death. 

_“And if the disease didn’t kill you, what came next was worse._ ”

The screen shows a patient lying in a hospital bed, her face pale and her eyes almost popping out of her head. She looks weak, tired. A doctor appears beside her, holding a needle, and he slowly injects something into her arm. 

After a few seconds, the patient lifts her head and nods at the doctor, who turns to someone else in the room, smiling. Clarke brings her hands to her eyes, covering them but still leaving a gap through her fingers to peek through. She knows something bad is about to happen. 

“The _doctors found something. After months of research, they thought that they had finally found a cure for this virus. They hoped they could put this madness to an end. But there was no escaping it, or putting it to an end. It was too strong, and it only got worse._ ”

A moment later, the patient begins convulsing violently, screaming at the top of her lungs. The sounds she’s making are horrifying, almost inhuman. Clarke, and probably everyone around her, jumps as the patient lunges forward at the doctor, wrapping her arms around him, and they both crash to the floor. He tries to crawl away but she grabs him, and attacks him like it’s the only thing she knows. There’s blood, more screams, alarms going off, and Clarke can only watch in horror, her hand barely covering her agape mouth. 

The doctor manages to writhe himself free, and he stumbles backwards, colliding with the camera, which falls down to the ground with him. All that is on the screen is the hospital floor, and the doctor’s limp hand on it. Then his hand starts shaking too, and there’s that horrible shriek again, only this time, it’s coming from the doctor. 

Nia comes back on the screen.

_“What they thought would save us, actually ruined us. It set in motion the downfall of humanity. They thought it would reduce the contagion, but it didn’t. It multiplied it._

_The infected patients started lashing out at any living thing in their path. No one could stop them. All they saw was red._ ”

Another video comes on of people - not even people. Creatures, that have dull grey skin with bright purple veins, ripped clothes, mutilated faces, and they are screeching as they dart down a street, chasing people who are running for their lives. But a few of their victims aren’t fast enough. The creatures are catching up to them, throwing them down to the ground and biting, scratching, clawing at these people. 

The camera zooms in on a woman who was attacked. She lays on the pavement, seemingly lifeless, after her predator went to prey on someone else, but the camera stays fixed on her. 

Clarke wonders who in their right mind would be standing filming this, instead of helping, or just running away and saving themselves. 

The woman starts to shake, just like all the other infected. She shrieks like the others, and scrambles to her feet, desperately looking around. Clarke sees the huge bite mark on her leg, still dripping with blood. The woman is out of breath, and she’s searching for something. 

Her first victim.

She spots the camera, and looks dead into the lens. She growls, tilts her head, and then sprints towards it. Clarke hears a yell from behind the camera, probably the cameraman, and before the woman can reach the camera, the recording switches off. Nia appears again. 

Clarke can see Raven looking at her out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t move. She can’t.

 _“There was no going back from this. The virus didn’t just take and destroy lives, it started to cause riots, thefts, looting, chaos._ ”

A video of a burning building plays, and there are people running in and out of it, there are people fighting on the street, bodies on the floor. 

_“The few that survived this were extremely lucky. Most people went into hiding, some set out to kill these creatures, in hopes of being the ones to restore mankind. However, there were a group of people who could fight this virus. They had something in their bloodstream that protected them from the pathogen._

_We call them The Immune._

_These people were essential. They were the key to saving humanity before it was too late, if they were in the right hands. Soon enough the word got out that there were a handful of immunes, and this immediately made them endangered. Some people were angry that the immunes had guaranteed safety against the infection, and others wanted to kidnap them and sell them for supplies._

_But the most dangerous people the immunes had to face were an organisation called Eligius. Eligius wanted to apprehend all of the immunes, so they could experiment on them, believing they could find a cure. They managed to capture many immunes, but every single one died during the experiments. And it didn’t pay off, because they still couldn’t find a cure._

_This organisation was dangerous. They wouldn’t give up, so they searched the world for immunes, and they were relentless. They’d stop at nothing to find them._ ”

A video comes on of several people, lined up on their knees, sobbing and shouting. There are armed men surrounding them, and one of them is standing behind the kneeling people, going to each one of them, holding some kind of scanner to their necks. It beeps after a second, and then the man looks at it. Then he puts a gun to the person’s head, and pulls the trigger without hesitation. 

The other people on their knees scream in horror, and Clarke is surprised she isn’t screaming too. She can feel the atmosphere in the room; everyone must be as shocked as she is. 

_“They killed innocent people just to get what they wanted. And they still exist today._

_While the world crumbled, there was one city that, through everything, managed to remain safe. A wall was built for protection, keeping the infected out and the residents in. That city was Polis, and it’s the one you’re sitting in right now._

_However, it wasn’t enough just to hide behind these walls forever. We needed a system to help keep the peace, to make sure the safety of this city was preserved. We will eventually run out of resources if we don’t keep going out and retrieving more, and the threats the earth faced when the infection started are still very much out there._

_We needed, and we still need, brave soldiers like you, to help go beyond the wall and protect this city. For the next ten weeks you will be trained how to survive out there. You will be prepared. And you’ll be split into three groups, whom you’ll be training with for the first eight weeks. You will have time to see your friends regularly if you are split up, so please don’t worry about that. Then for the remainder of your training, you’ll all be brought back together and tested on what you’ve learnt. Each group will be trained by an already existing member of The Guard, our very best soldiers. They know everything there is to know about this life, and will strive to make you the best you can be._

_You are the future._ ”

The screen finally switches off, and the lights slowly begin to turn back on. No one talks. No one dares to. 

Clarke considers for a moment the fact that she will probably die. She will. How is she supposed to go out there and face those creatures? To fight them? She struggled with killing a fly only days before, so there’s no way she could kill a _person._

Maybe they’re not people anymore, but they were once. They had lives, just like she does. She doesn’t know how she can possibly have to take a life. 

And then she remembers how Eligius are possibly still out there, and they are definitely real people. If they’re a threat to Polis and she spots one of them, she’ll probably have to kill them too. 

The silence is broken by the sound of the doors swinging open, and a man walks in. He seems calm, but intimidating. 

“My name is Charles Pike,” he announces, his voice echoing across the room, “you call me Pike.” 

He stares at his audience as if he’s expecting a reply, and then sighs. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in. You’ll probably still be processing for a few days, maybe more-“

Clarke wants to scoff, knowing it will probably take her months to fully process all this.

“But there’s no erasing the past. It happened. And it’s our job to deal with it. I’ll read out your groups now, so if you hear your name, wait until I’ve called out all of the names in your group, and then you need to come down here and exit through the door. You’ll be greeted by your leader and then taken to get your chips inserted by Dr Tsing.”

Chips?

A few people groan at the thought of having to see _another_ doctor, and Pike laughs. Clarke decides a smile looks unusual on his face. 

“You’re all tired. That’s fine. It won’t take long. There’s just a few more things you need to do tonight, and then you can get some rest.”

Another man joins him with a couple of clipboards, and the two start whispering about something. The audience takes this at their opportunity to chat about what the hell they just discovered. 

“Well, you were right about the monsters,” Clarke tries to laugh as she speaks to Raven, but they both know she can’t bring herself to be humorous right now. 

Raven shakes her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“Kinda cool..” Clarke thinks she hears her friend mumble, “we’re basically fighting zombies.”

The two look at each other and then start giggling; a mix of finding the joke funny and just being completely overwhelmed. 

After a moment, Clarke takes a breath. 

“What if we’re not together?” she asks, swallowing. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Raven replies, and Clarke raises her eyebrows, “well I mean, you heard Nia. We’ll still get to see each other. I just won’t be able to see you get knocked on your ass while training.”

She starts laughing again and receives a playful slap from Clarke. 

“We’ll see about that.” 

“Settle down, everybody.”

Pike’s booming voice shuts everyone up, and he begins reading the first group. 

“The first group will be led by Mccreary.” 

He reads the names, and Clarke recognises a few, but no one she really cares about is on there. She thinks there were about thirty names called out. When he finishes, the people in that group make their way to the front. Clarke watches a few of them say goodbye to their friends, and she feels for them, hoping she won’t have to do the same. 

They all leave the room. Mccreary must be waiting for them on the other side. 

“Group two, led by Blake.”

Blake. Where has Clarke heard that name before? 

She doesn’t have much time to think because Pike is already reading out the next names.

About halfway down the list, Finn’s name is called. She shifts in his seat, and he looks pretty happy when the name “John Murphy” is also announced. That must be his friend’s name, because they grab each other’s hands and do some weird guy handshake. 

“Octavia Blake.”

Clarke quickly connects the dots. Blake. It could be a coincidence, or perhaps they’re related? She tries to spot Octavia in the seats around her, but can’t find her. 

Pike gets to the end of the list, and Raven’s name hasn’t been called yet, so Clarke hopes with everything in her that she isn’t in this group.

“And finally, Clarke Griffin.”

Of course. _Of course._

Did Clarke really think she could catch a break? When have things ever actually gone her way today? Besides the fact she was literally chosen for The Guard, but now she’s not even sure if she wants to be here anymore.

Her heart sinks at the sound of her name and she turns to Raven. 

“I-“

“Hey,” Raven smiles as she cups one side of Clarke’s face, pushing a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, “be brave. I’ll see you soon. Don’t stress it. New life, right?” 

Clarke sees everyone in her group begin to leave their seats and she knows she has to go too. 

“Love you,” she says, standing up. 

“Love you.” 

Clarke trails behind Finn and Murphy as they go down the steps. They don’t see her. Just as they reach the door, Clarke turns to look at the audience again and finds Raven’s eyes, needing one last look at her before she slips behind the wall, breaking their eye contact. Clarke sighs quietly and just follows the group down the corridor. She didn’t get to see Blake, the leader, and she hasn’t seen Octavia yet either. 

They all go to a room, just a plain room, and Clarke sees an open door at the other side of it. All she can see is a chair and some medical equipment, before the door closes.

Clarke doesn’t make an effort to let Finn know she’s behind him; she just wants some time alone right now. 

“Bell!” 

Clarke turns to see Octavia shoving her way through the group, and then she loses her again. 

Curiously, Clarke wanders around the edge of the crowd, and sees Octavia just before she is embraced by the arms of a man. 

“O!” he gruffly shouts as he pulls her to him.

All Clarke can see is some arms. 

Some really nice arms.

She observes his muscles and his rather large hands, and the way Octavia looks so tiny in his grasp. She sees his curly dark hair twirled between Octavia’s. He’s a lot taller than her, so he’ll be taller than Clarke too (which she takes note of) and he’s lifting her in the air so her face is buried into his shoulder. Clarke almost chokes on her own breath when she finally sees his face.

He’s definitely Octavia’s brother, there’s no denying that. They both have the same perfectly crafted bone structure, and the same strong posture. His curls hang loosely above his eyebrows, and Clarke notices a cut on his cheek. He has dark brown eyes, ones she knows she could gaze into for hours. He has to be a few years older than her. He’s grinning at Octavia, keeping his hands on her shoulders. 

How long can she stare at him before it gets weird?

Clarke is too far away to hear what they’re saying when they start talking, so she looks away. But she struggles to not steal a quick glance at him every now and then. 

“Hey Clarke.”

She spins to see Finn in front of her, and John Murphy beside him.

“This is Murphy,” Finn introduces him, and Clarke is about to smile, when she notices him looking her up and down, with a slight snarl on his face. But he’s not checking her out. Clarke can tell he’s wondering how someone like her has been chosen to join The Guard.

“You’re a long way from home,” he sniggers, just as she expected.

She presses her lips together and nods amusingly.

“Okay. Get it all out,” she says sarcastically.

Murphy seems taken aback by that. He probably thought she would start crying or something, insulted. He probably thinks she’s weak.

And maybe she is, but she won’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing that. 

“Oh I will,” he smirks, but seems less confident this time. 

Finn clicks his teeth. “I have to admit, Clarke, I wasn’t expecting you to be picked.”

“Well, here I am,” Clarke nods.

“Here you are,” he smiles, and doesn’t look away from Clarke. She suddenly can’t look away from him either. 

Their gaze lingers for a moment, before a voice interrupts.

“Listen up everyone.”

Clarke snaps her head away from Finn, taking this opportunity to stop whatever that was. 

She sees Octavia’s brother standing in front of everyone, his chest puffed out and his hands on his hips. His voice catches everyone off guard, it erupts through the room, and Clarke is pretty sure most of the girls are checking him out. 

“My name is Bellamy Blake. You can call me.. Bellamy,” he shrugs, “I’ll be training you. We’ll have time to talk more tomorrow, get to know each other, whatever. But right now we just need to get through a couple more things, and then you can have the rest of tonight to relax. That sound good?” 

There’s a few murmurs and a few nods. 

He nods approvingly, “good. Get yourselves into a line in front of that door, and you’ll be taken in there one by one. Afterwards I’ll take you to the dorm floor and you’ll choose your rooms, and then we’re done. For today, anyway.”

Everyone continues to stare at him, as if they’re waiting for him to say something else. He raises his eyebrows, smirking slightly, and then gestures to the door. 

“Go.” 

Clarke joins the queue that the group have formed, still standing with Finn and Murphy. 

She looks at Octavia, who is with Bellamy, not seeming like she’ll be moving anytime soon. He says something to her, and then with a roll of her eyes, she joins the back of the queue. 

They wait for around ten minutes, but it feels like an hour for Clarke. Murphy spends the time mocking her, and she mocks him back. She isn’t sure whether this is the start of a friendship or a rivalry, and she isn’t sure which she’d prefer. Everyone who had already been inside has come out with a towel pressed to the back of their neck, with some discomfort on their face. 

When they get to the front, Finn and Murphy tell Clarke she can go first. She doesn’t mind; she’d rather just get this over with. She waits for the door to open, and just before it does, she catches eyes with Bellamy, who’s now standing metres away from her. 

It seems like he’s about to look away, as if he was just casually observing everyone and happened to meet her gaze, but he doesn’t. He almost does a double take, twitching his head so he doesn’t break their eye contact. 

Clarke hopes her face isn’t burning red right now.

He slightly narrows his eyes at her, but not rudely. It’s like he’s trying to read her; probably just another person wondering how on earth she got picked. 

Their moment doesn’t last long before the door swings open and Clarke is pretty much dragged inside. 

She isn’t looking at whoever is pulling her in, she’s still trying to see Bellamy, but when she finally loses sight of him, she turns to see a dark haired woman, Dr Tsing, gesturing to the chair beside her. Clarke sits down.

The room reminds her of the many doctors offices she would spend her free time in at home as a child, waiting for her mother who would be working until late. She sighs. Another distant memory. 

“You mind pushing your hair to the side?” Dr Tsing asks, and Clarke does, feeling the cool air touch her neck. 

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke asks, watching the woman open a leather black box. She pulls out a gun-shaped device and holds it up, looking at Clarke and waiting for her to speak. 

She takes that as a yes. 

“What’s the chip for?”

“It’s a tracker.” 

Clarke is startled at how blunt her reply was, like it’s just a normal thing around her. She supposes it is. 

“A tracker?”

“To track you,” Dr Tsing raises her eyebrows.

“Right..” Clarke nods quickly, realising how stupid she must sound. 

But she still can’t get her head around it. It really feels like she’s a prisoner. 

Dr Tsing must notice her expression, “look, I know it sounds extreme. But, beyond that wall.. it’s a scary world. And when you go out there, anything could happen. You’d be surprised at how far you can actually get in a day, and if you get lost, then what are you going to do? Having a tracker ensures you’ll find your way back, even if it means someone has to come out and get you. It just makes life easier for you, and us.” 

It does make sense. 

Clarke nods again, and before she can say anything else, Tsing shoves the device to her neck, and with a click, something shoots into her skin, sending a hot pain down her back. Clarke winces, letting out a gasp, and she grabs the tissue that is being handed to her. She quickly puts it to her neck, because she can tell by how much that hurt that it will already be bleeding. 

Dr Tsing opens the door again, and Clarke shuffles from her seat to the exit. She forces a smile at Finn as she passes him and heads to the other people who have already been chipped, more focused on trying to ignore the pain that is still lingering in her neck. 

Clarke feels eyes on her, which isn’t that big of a deal, but when she turns to see that it’s Bellamy’s eyes, she suddenly decides that she needs to walk with a little more confidence. She doesn’t know why. 

She’s basically strutting now, and she wants to punch herself in the face for how flustered she just got. 

It doesn’t take long for the queue to go down, and when the final person comes back out, Bellamy makes another announcement.

“Alright, so, follow me, and I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping for the next ten weeks.”

Everyone does follow him, down more corridors and up a few flights of stairs. Clarke tries to remember the route they took; she might as well start attempting to learn her way around this place. 

After going up past a few floors, Bellamy leads the group down a long corridor, which pretty much looks the same as every other one, only this one has a lot more metal doors on either side, with little keypads next to each of them. 

“Now, after the ten weeks are up, if you make it that far, you’ll be moved elsewhere to different rooms. Most of the time you can have your own room, although some people still prefer to share. Those sleeping arrangements will be dealt with when the time comes. 

But for now, you’ll each be sharing a room with someone, so pair up and go choose one. You can decide what sequence to use for your lock between you.”

Clarke sighs as she sees a lot of people already know who they’re going to share one, and they all hurry over to the doors. She wishes Raven was here right now. 

“And wait outside your doors too, before going in. I need to tell you the plan for tomorrow.” 

She glances at Bellamy, but he isn’t looking at her, he’s looking at the space behind her, his eyes moving as if they’re following something. Clarke almost jumps out of her skin when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns to see Octavia, inches away from her face. 

“You wanna bunk with me?”

Clarke briefly hesitates, wondering if she’s serious.

“Uh- sure.” 

Octavia gives her a quick smile before brushing past her, going down the corridor. Clarke rushes to catch up with her, avoiding Bellamy’s stare. 

“Thanks,” she blurts out, and Octavia raises her eyebrows, “for asking.” 

The brunette looks forward again, chuckling, “you looked lonely.” 

“You have no idea,” Clarke laughs.

“I do, actually.” 

Octavia meets her eyes again, almost looking sad, and Clarke doesn’t say anything else. 

It’s a conversation they can have another time, when they have known each other for more than ten seconds. 

They soon reach a spare door, which is three down from Finn and Murphy’s, Clarke notes. 

They wait outside, as Bellamy said, and then listen to his final words for the night. He has to speak louder than before since everyone is spread across the hall. 

“Tomorrow morning I’ll give you a quick tour of the place, then you can eat, and then I’ll be taking you all home. Not for long, just for you to gather all your stuff, and then we’ll come back.”

Clarke has been so distracted with everything going on today that she completely forgot she doesn’t even have any of her belongings with her. No one does. Her heart tightens at the thought of going back home, but she also hopes that maybe she can see Wells. 

“Alright. Toilets are down at the bottom to the left,” he gestures to the other end of the corridor, the one that isn’t where the stairs are, “and the shower room is to the right. 

There’s no set time for you to go to sleep, but we’ll be up pretty early tomorrow, so if you’re tired, that’s on you. Type in whatever sequence you want it to be in the keypad, and that will automatically set that as the key. Goodnight.”

When he finishes speaking, everyone starts punching their sequences into the keypads, eager to get inside. 

“Any ideas?” Octavia asks, her hand hovering over the lock.

They decide on using today’s date, September 1st. Octavia types the numbers in, and when it beeps, she pushes down the door handle, stepping inside. Clarke follows. 

It isn’t a huge room, but it’s big enough for the two of them. There’s a bunk bed at one side, and a large cupboard at the other side. A small lamp stands next to the beds. And that’s it. 

What luxury, Clarke thinks. 

They discuss which bed to take, and Clarke lets Octavia take the top bunk. After some time sitting on the bottom bed and talking about how crazy the day has been, there is a knock at the door. 

The two give each other a confused look, and then Octavia opens it. Clarke has to stop herself hitting her head on the metal above her head when she sees who it is, sitting up abruptly.

“Hi,” Octavia smiles at her brother, who’s broad figure is taking up most of the doorway.

“Hey,” he replies, glancing quickly at Clarke before back at Octavia, “just checking in.”

“All good here, big brother,” she breathes, stepping backwards, as an invitation for him to come in.

“Oh I.. I can’t stay.” 

“Alright, well, this is..” Octavia looks to Clarke, unsure of her name. Clarke had forgotten to even introduce herself to her new roommate.

“Uh, Clarke.” 

“This is Clarke,” Octavia smiles.

Bellamy glances at her, nods, and then faces Octavia again.

Of course he’s a dick. Clarke was delusional to think he’d look that good _and_ be a nice guy. Which is weird, because Octavia can do it. 

He’s clearly putting on a front, and Clarke doesn’t blame him. She doesn’t react to his nod either, just joins him in looking at Octavia again. 

“Don’t be up too late,” he tells his sister, “I know how much of a morning person you _aren’t_.” 

Octavia chuckles and leans on the side of the door as Bellamy starts to leave. 

“Yes, sir,” she says, saluting to him, and Bellamy shakes his head with a small smile. 

He walks away, and Octavia closes the door. She turns to Clarke with a sigh. 

“After eighteen years, he still treats me like a baby.” 

Clarke shifts backwards so Octavia can sit beside her. 

“He’s just looking out for you.” 

The brunette hums, and then fiddles with her hands. 

“Sorry about him,” she says after a moment, and Clarke furrows her eyebrows in confusion, “you know, his.. unwarm welcome. He can be like that sometimes. To new people, anyway. But once you get to know him, he’s a big softie, really.” 

Clarke sniffs, unable to imagine Bellamy Blake as a softie.

“Well, maybe after spending ten weeks with him, I’ll get to see that side.” 

“I hope so,” Octavia smiles at her hands, “it’s weird. Seeing him as a guard leader. He’s always been protective of me but now he’s going to be like, ten times more.” 

Clarke just nods, not knowing what else to say. 

The girls decide to go to sleep not too long after, but Clarke knows she won’t be getting much rest tonight. 

When they turn off the lights, Clarke lays awake, staring at the bed above her. She listens to Octavia’s breathing get heavier, an indication that she’s falling asleep. 

Just 24 hours ago, Clarke was doing the exact same thing she is now; lying in bed, unable to sleep, her mind wondering what tomorrow will bring. Who would’ve thought that a day later she’d be sharing a room with Octavia Blake, in the trainee dorms of The Guard? 

She tries not to think of the video she watched not too long ago. She tries to avoid picturing the victims, the death, the pain. 

Instead, she thinks of Wells, she thinks of her mother, her father, and she thinks of Raven. She thinks of Jackson, who is keeping something huge from her. She thinks of Finn, the guy who’s probably sleeping soundly a few doors down. The guy who she still has an undeniable crush on, and will have to spend the next ten weeks hiding it. 

And she thinks of Bellamy. The person she can’t quite figure out. Octavia said it herself, he’s a different person once you get to know him. Clarke wants that. She wants to know him, to learn him, to unpeel all the layers of his personality until she finally meets his true self. She doesn’t know what it is, but something draws her to him. 

Finally, before drifting to sleep at whatever time, she thinks of her future. Her fear of the unknown. Clarke likes being prepared for things, and knowing what to expect. But she’s scared, because she has no idea what will happen tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. 

All she knows is that this is a new beginning, and she needs to embrace it. 

She needs to embrace _her_ new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m really glad to see that people are actually reading and enjoying this story! i’ve had a few messages/comments about it, and i appreciate it so much :)


	4. stumbled upon you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry for taking so long to update, i’ve just been so busy recently! unfortunately college is starting again soon so there might be a few delays between chapters but i’m going to try my best to write as often as i can. more bellarke moments in this chapter though :)

Clarke doesn’t know when she fell asleep but she must have at some point, because the next thing she knows she’s being jolted awake by the blaring alarm coming from somewhere she can’t quite see. It takes a second for her to get her bearings, and remember where she actually is. 

“Breakfast in half an hour. Meet outside your dorms.”

A voice comes from wherever the alarm came from, and she thinks it’s Bellamy’s but she’s too tired to know for sure.

She hears Octavia groan from above her. 

A part of her wishes she could stay in this uncomfortable bed forever, and not have to start this new routine.

But the other part is screaming for her to get up and begin the day. The other part is ready to fight. 

She swings her legs out of the bed and rests her elbows on her knees, rubbing her face with a yawn. Sighing, she stands up and looks at Octavia, who has her eyes closed and her arm slung over her forehead. 

“Rise and shine,” Clarke whispers. She regrets it the second a pillow gets slammed into her face.

Clarke sniggers to herself, and then grabs her clothes that they have been provided with, before making her way to the door. She steps outside and sees a few other people going towards the bathrooms. 

“Good morning,” she hears Finn say. 

“Morning,” Clarke mumbles, as he starts walking with her down the hall. 

“Get much sleep?” he asks.

“Nah, not really.” 

“Yeah, me either. Murphy snores.”

Clarke can’t stop herself laughing at that, and he laughs too.

“I think I got lucky with Octavia.”

They reach the end of the corridor a few moments later, and turn the corner, but Clarke collides with someone coming the other way. 

“Sorry!” she exclaims, before looking up at who it is. 

And of course, it’s Bellamy staring down at her. His face is soft, a little tired, but when he looks between Finn and Clarke, his expression turns stern.

“Watch where you’re going,” he snaps, and then brushes past her, heading down the corridor.

With a scoff, she turns to look at him, and without thinking, “same to you.” 

Bellamy doesn’t stop walking, he just twists his head to glare at her. 

“Jerk,” she mutters under her breath. 

“Octavia’s his sister, right?” Finn asks.

“Mm.”

“She’s hot,” she smirks. 

Ugh. Clarke can’t tell if it’s just because of the early time, or whether both of the men she has spoken to this morning are just generally dicks, but everything is getting on her nerves today. 

She doesn’t say anything, just grimaces, and is slightly thankful when they part ways to go to the toilets. 

When she returns to her room, Octavia is already dressed, but she’s lying in bed again. 

“Bellamy wasn’t lying then,” Clarke says, closing the door, “you’re really not a morning person.” 

Octavia moans in response. 

After a few minutes, Clarke has managed to drag Octavia out of bed, and after she gets dressed, they wait outside their room, as Bellamy instructed. 

He returns once everyone is standing in the hall, half of them looking barely awake, the other half rearing to go. He does a quick check to make sure everyone’s here, and then beckons the group to follow him. 

“So, as I said last night,” he utters, as they make their way down the stairs, “I’ll give you a tour of the main areas, ending with the dining room, where you’ll eat breakfast. Then we’ll set off home.”

_Home._ Clarke isn’t even sure what she should class as her home anymore. Even though her family was there, her old village never really felt like home. There was always something missing. And isn’t The Guard her new home? She’s going to be spending possibly the rest of her life here, so she should start settling in. 

“I’ll start with the common room.” 

They walk into a fairly large room, with a kitchen area at one side and a few couches at the other. There’s some beanbags and chairs scattered around, and even a ping pong table. 

“So this is where you guys can all come and just hang,” Bellamy explains, walking into the middle of the room so everybody can come inside, “and the other groups will be coming in here too.”

There’s a faint murmur of delight as people realise they’ll get to see their friends again. 

“Whenever we’re not training or eating, you can come in here if you want to.” 

Bellamy quickly glances at his wristwatch and then starts to herd everyone outside again. 

“Okay, moving on.” 

He roughly brushes past Clarke’s shoulder as he walks, and doesn’t make any effort to acknowledge her. She bites her lip to stop herself from saying anything, before following him out. 

Bellamy shows them their training room which isn’t too far from the common room. It’s a large hall with mats in the corner, some gym equipment, and some punching bags. 

He tells them that they can also come in here to exercise in their free time. He recommends them to make use of the punching bags and weights to build their strength, since there’s a few ‘scrawny looking’ people in the group. Clarke thinks she’s probably one of them. 

Then he takes them to the shooting range, which has ten booths that all have their own target opposite. There’s a pair of earphones in each, and at the other side of the room there’s a huge locked cabinet, filled with all sorts of guns. Clarke supposes she’ll probably have to learn all the different types. She shivers at the thought of having to hold one of those soon. 

Afterwards he shows them a couple more places, like the medical ward, just in case anyone is ever in an emergency. 

Then, they begin to make their way to the dining hall, but on the way they stop after exiting some kind of tunnel. 

Clarke is intrigued by how complex this building actually is, and how in some areas it’s this modern, sophisticated place, and others it’s made of rocks that feel like they’re going to crumble beneath your feet at any moment.

As they walk through the short darkened tunnel, Clarke hears the faint sound of rushing water. They emerge into the light but are stopped in their tracks by what is around them. 

They’re standing on a bridge that stretches across a huge ravine, reaching to the other side of the rocks. Everyone immediately rushes to the edges, looking down and murmuring about how deep the drop is. 

“This is what we call The Drop,” Bellamy’s voice echoes, and Clarke almost jumps. She doesn’t join the people who are peering over the edge, but Octavia does, “this is a pretty dangerous area so, be careful when you’re coming across here. You wouldn’t be the first to fall.”

No one reacts to that last part except Clarke, who widens her eyes slightly. But that doesn’t even surprise her. She stands at the back of the group, and instead of looking down, she looks up instead. 

There’s no roof in this area, so the sky is completely visible. It’s grey and cloudy, but Clarke thinks it looks beautiful. Maybe because it’s been over a day since she actually saw the sky. She pulls her head back down and searches for where the sound of water is coming from. 

After a moment, she cranes her neck over the side, and sees a waterfall gushing out of the rocks at the other end of the ravine. It looks terrifying. The rushing water plunges down to the bottom, but Clarke doesn’t try to look down to see where it ends. She’s afraid she might vomit if she sees how far the drop actually is. 

Instead she looks at the group again, who still all have their backs to her, intrigued by the ravine. Octavia glances back at Clarke, her mouth agape in awe, and Clarke gives her a smile. The brunette turns and looks down at the ravine again. 

“Not interesting enough for you?” 

Clarke is startled to hear Bellamy’s voice grumble beside her ear. She flicks her eyes up at him, but doesn’t turn her head.

“Like you care,” she breathes, and her heart clenches. She hopes that wasn't a mistake. She hopes he isn’t about to shout at her infront of everyone. 

But he doesn’t. She feels his gaze on her linger for a few more seconds, and then he sniffs, nods, and steps forward towards the group.

Clarke lets out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding. 

“Alright, you can stand and admire later. We have things to do,” Bellamy claps his hands and the group turn to face him again. 

Clarke realises they’re all facing her, too, since it’s only her and Bellamy on this side of the bridge. She swallows. 

“I know it’s pretty cool, but-“ Bellamy instantly stops talking and snaps his head to stare at Murphy, who’s muttering something to the guy next to him. He doesn’t realise that Bellamy is looking. 

Bellamy clears his throat, and Clarke instantly feels even more intimidated by him. 

Murphy finally catches on, and raises his eyebrows at Bellamy like he doesn’t see the problem. 

“What?” he smirks.

“Were you just talking over me?” Bellamy asks, cocking his head. His tone is calm, but he’s anything but calm right now. 

“Well, it could be argued that _you_ were talking over _me_.” 

A few people make some surprised sounds, and Octavia rolls her eyes as Bellamy slowly walks towards Murphy. The group make way for him, probably not daring to defy him. 

“The way I see it,” Bellamy starts, “you aren’t going to last two minutes out of the city without me.” 

He doesn’t stop walking, so Murphy has to intervene and take a few steps backwards. He gets closer and closer to the edge of the bridge, but Bellamy doesn’t stop. 

The smirk on Murphy’s face has been wiped clean off. 

“So I suggest that you shut your mouth, and not just when I’m talking. Or I’ll send you beyond that wall tonight, and we’ll see how long it takes before you get eaten alive. You got that?” 

Murphy is now halfway off the ledge, grabbing onto the side of the rocks because that’s the only thing he can hold onto. Bellamy is leaning over him, glaring. 

Clarke can’t tear her eyes away from them. 

“I said-“ 

“Yeah! Yeah, I got it,” Murphy exclaims, trying not to show how scared he is, and failing. 

Bellamy waits a few seconds before stepping backwards and turning to walk across the bridge. Murphy pulls himself up and fixes his jacket which had started to slip off, avoiding eye contact with everyone. 

“Come on,” he tells the group, and they follow without hesitation. 

Clarke sees Octavia catch up to Bellamy, probably to tell him to stop being so harsh. 

Murphy is standing on his own, taking some deep breaths, so Clarke goes to him. 

“Hey, are you oka-“ She touches his shoulder but he shoves her away from him. 

“I’m fine,” he huffs, before storming after the group. Clarke sighs.

“Alright,” she says to herself.

He’s definitely the type of person to refuse any help whatsoever, even when he needs it. 

She takes another look at The Drop, and then hurries to catch up with everyone. 

The next tunnel takes them to the dining hall, and Clarke can hear the loud chatter of people before they even go inside. 

Bellamy swings the double doors open, and a few heads turn, but most of the people in there just continue eating and talking. 

There are long rows of tables spread out across the hall, almost full with people. Everyone is sitting and tucking into their breakfasts. At the other side of the room there’s a counter with a couple of people wearing chefs hats, handing out trays of food to those lining up. There’s also a little buffet filled with breakfast snacks. 

Clarke is hit with the smell of hot food; bacon, sausages, eggs. She suddenly feels her stomach churn, and she realises how hungry she actually is. 

Before joining the group to queue up, she darts her eyes around the room in hopes of spotting Raven, but she can’t see her anywhere. 

“Clarke!” she hears Octavia shout, “come on.” 

With one last look around the hall, Clarke jogs over to Octavia, who’s standing with Finn and Murphy. Finn is definitely trying to flirt with her.

“I’m starving,” Octavia groans, craning her neck to see how long the queue is. 

“Me too,” Finn yawns, and then his eyes catch something behind Clarke’s shoulder, “incoming.”

Confused, Clarke turns, and feels a wave of relief when she sees Raven bouncing over to her. 

“Hey,” Raven grins, before Clarke pulls her into a hug. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey,” Octavia almost shouts. Clarke looks at her, and notices how she’s staring at Raven, smiling shyly.

She’ll ask her about that later.

“Hi,” Raven smiles at her. 

“This is Octavia,” Clarke says, looking between the two of them. 

“I’m Raven.”

“And I’m Murphy,” Murphy chirps in, but he sounds disinterested. Maybe that’s just his permanent tone. 

Raven nods at him.

“Got a whole group going, huh?” She says to Clarke, who shrugs her off, “well, my food’s getting cold. Come sit with us when you get yours.”

She gives everyone except Finn one last smile and then heads back to her table, joining some people that Clarke hasn’t seen before. But then she spots Monty and Jasper sitting with them too, and her heart warms up some more. 

It doesn’t take long for the four of them to get them the front of the queue, and they take their trays with delight. Clarke has accepted that she and Octavia will probably be spending a lot of time with Finn and Murphy now. They head over to Raven’s table, and the ones already sitting have to scoot up a little to make room.

Clarke sits down next to Raven, and Murphy perches himself on the other side of her. 

“Hey Clarke,” Jasper says, not attempting to swallow his food before speaking. His goggles are on his head, in between his messy curls. He doesn’t go anywhere without those. 

“Hey,” Clarke giggles, and she glances at the others sitting on the table. 

Raven introduces them all, and Clarke really does try her best to remember their names. She thinks she heard Gaia, Emori and Gabriel. Her name suddenly feels so boring compared to theirs. 

Emori and Gabriel seem nice enough, Gaia too, but Gaia is a lot more quiet and reserved than the rest of them. Clarke notices Emori’s not so subtle looks at Murphy, who is probably relishing the attention.

The food is pretty good. Clarke can’t complain. 

The moment she met Murphy she knew he and Raven would clash. They’re both sarcastic, bold, and she isn’t surprised when they’re already bickering five minutes after meeting each other. Arguing about something Clarke couldn’t even make up. 

Octavia laughs along with Monty and Jasper as they tell her how they’ve already pranked one of their team members since arriving at The Guard. Clarke wasn’t surprised to hear that they’d both been recruited into the engineering team. Jasper is more of a chemist, but he’s good at engineering too. They’re both smart as hell, but maybe not so much when it comes to common sense. 

Finn speaks to Clarke a few times, but she doesn’t really make any effort to keep the conversation going. She’s not sure why but she doesn’t really feel like talking right now; she would just prefer to listen to everyone and enjoy this free time. 

“You’re crazy,” Clarke hears Raven say to Murphy, “you are _crazy_. Is everyone seeing this right now?” 

Everyone looks at Murphy, and there’s a chorus of disgust mixed with horror when they realise what he’s doing. Pouring orange juice into his cereal.

“Oh my god,” Clarke laughs, putting her hand over her mouth.

“Don’t knock it till you try it,” he shrugs, and much to everyone’s dismay, takes a mouthful of his orange juice cereal. 

“Jesus,” Octavia revolts. 

The group continue laughing and mocking Murphy, until the dining room is quietened down by Pike, who’s standing at the front of the room. There’s three people beside him, Bellamy among them. Clarke guesses they’re the three group leaders. 

The other two are a man and a woman. The man looks quite scruffy; he has a long fringe down one side of his face and an uneven goatee. He must be McCreary. The woman has a stern face and her dark hair is pulled back into a ponytail, leaving two strands hanging by either side of her face. All four of them are wearing Guard uniforms. Clarke can’t help but notice how good Bellamy looks in that jacket, but she tries to ignore that since he’s such a dick.

“She’s my leader,” Raven whispers to Clarke, pointing a finger at the woman, “Diyoza. She’s a badass.”

“Alright, listen up,” Pike shouts, “as your leaders have already explained to you, you’re about to be taken back home to get your stuff.”

He holds his hand out towards McCreary, as if to say ‘your turn.’

“My group, come with me,” he says gruffly. That’s exactly how Clarke imagined he’d sound. 

The initiates in his group all stand up, and Clarke tries to get a good look at them. Her eyes land on Lexa and her heart feels like it’s being tugged on. It’s been a while since they talked. 

Lexa doesn’t see her, she just walks towards McCreary, talking to some blonde girl. 

Once they all leave, Bellamy steps forward. 

“My group, follow me.” 

“ _That’s_ your leader?” Raven grips Clarke’s wrist as she starts to stand up. 

“Yeah?” 

“You didn’t tell me he looks like that,” she smirks.

Clarke scoffs, and looks at Octavia, who is grimacing. 

“He’s my brother.”

Raven lets out a laugh and holds her hands up in defence. “Sorry.”

After quickly saying goodbye to the table, Clarke, Octavia, Finn and Murphy make their way to the front and leave the room with the rest of their group. 

-

The train doesn’t take too long to get back to the arena station, and once they’re there, Clarke starts to feel sick. She’s not even sure if she wants to see her house right now.

“So, here’s how this is going to work,” Bellamy says once everyone is off the train, “You’ve all got an hour to make your way back to your houses, collect whatever you need, and get back here. Don’t bring your whole bedroom, please. And don’t dawdle. I don’t have all day.

Oh, and if you even try to run and hide somewhere, let me remind you that we can track and find you in less than ten seconds.” 

A few people laugh, but everyone knows that he’s serious. 

“Which way?” Octavia asks Clarke when they’re outside of the arena.

Clarke points behind her, and Octavia presses her lips together.

“I guess I’ll see you in an hour then.”

They give each other a smile, and then head their separate ways. 

Clarke knows an hour is more than enough time to make it back, so she doesn’t rush to get there. She wonders if Bellamy followed Octavia so he could see his old home too. 

She also wonders if she’ll bump into Wells. She knows she won’t see her mother since she will be at work. 

Once Clarke reaches her street she feels even more alone. There are no kids playing today, no people walking their dogs and greeting each other. Just an empty street, filled with the ghosts of Clarke’s memories. 

It doesn’t feel the same. It will never feel the same.

She slowly makes her way towards her house, which sits on the end of the street, and feels her hand shaking as she clutches onto the door handle. It’s unlocked, but that’s not unusual in this neighbourhood. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone trusts everyone, so during the day it isn’t even a question of whether you need to lock up. 

Clarke has been in her home alone before of course, but this time it’s different. She isn’t just coming home from a day of school, she can’t go to her room and watch television, she won’t be cooking dinner for her mother who will return home later. 

Her mother isn’t coming home, her father isn’t coming home, and after today, neither is Clarke. 

She begins to go upstairs upon remembering Bellamy’s orders that they shouldn’t dawdle, but then she realises that this is probably the last she will be here for a long time, if she ever even comes back, so she’ll take as long as she damn well pleases.

Clarke turns on her heel, and heads over to the living room, but she doesn’t go inside, she just hovers in the doorway. For some reason it doesn’t feel right to go in.

Since her father’s passing, Clarke hadn’t stepped foot inside this room. She and him used to spend so much time in here, watching old movies together, laughing about whatever they found funny. After his death, Abby had tried to persuade Clarke to sit with her in there and watch something, even though they had never done that before, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

She regrets that now. 

Taking a deep breath, Clarke goes inside, and walks over to the mantelpiece. She picks up a picture frame, displaying a photo of her and her father. 

She smiles as she thinks about the day this was taken. It was warm. They had been in the garden having a water fight with Wells, much to Abby’s dismay, as Clarke had accidentally missed her father and sprayed her mother in the face with the water gun. Jake tried to pretend he didn’t find it funny, while Clarke and Wells erupted into fits of laughter. After Abby went inside to dry herself, Jake joined them in laughing. Then Wells took the picture of them. 

“Didn’t I say not to dawdle?” 

Clarke spins around with a gasp, holding the picture frame out infront of her. 

“Sorry,” Bellamy says, smiling. A smile looks unusual on him.

“Scared the crap out of me,” Clarke mumbles, turning to put the picture frame back down. But she can’t bring herself to look away from it just yet. 

“Your dad?” Bellamy is suddenly standing beside her, looking down at the photo. 

She just nods, not wanting to say anything else, but something tells her that he already knows. 

They stand in silence for a few moments. 

“Why are you here?” Clarke asks, and it comes out harsher than she intended. They both ignore his flinch.

“I wanted to apologise for.. you know,” he says quietly.

Clarke can’t quite believe that he’s actually apologising. 

“For what?” she faces him, wanting to make the most of this moment. 

She didn’t know how close they were standing until their faces were inches away from each other. 

“For.. being rude, earlier,” he breathes, not looking at her.

“I didn’t notice,” Clarke raises her eyebrows at him after a few seconds, and walks towards the door. 

Bellamy hums and nods to himself. 

“Right,” he says, amused, “I'll leave you to it.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t be late back,” he tries to sound serious again, but Clarke just chuckles.

“Yes sir,” she replies, repeating Octavia’s words from last night. 

He hides a smile. 

As Clarke starts to go up the stairs she turns and considers Bellamy for a moment. He doesn’t look at her again until he’s outside, and they share one last glance through the gap of the door that he’s closing, before it’s closed. 

He intrigues her. She knew that there was more to him, and the way he just acted confirms that. 

-

When they arrive back at the district, Bellamy tells the group that they have the rest of the day to do whatever they want; explore the place (without getting into any trouble), eat, sleep, hang out in the common room, anything. Clarke doesn’t think twice about meeting up with Raven, and they decide to go to the common room for a while. Octavia, Finn, Murphy, Monty, Jasper and Emori join them. 

“So apparently we’re starting actual training tomorrow,” Raven says, slumping herself down on the beanbag next to Murphy, who’s on the floor, after getting herself some coffee. She makes sure to give him a playful kick before she sits.

“Actual training?” He asks, looking up at her. 

“Actual training.”

“Well, you guys will be training.  _ We  _ will be in the labs,” Jasper reminds everyone, smirking at Monty.

“I might have to sneak off and join you,” Octavia sighs, scratching her head, “I don’t think I can deal with my brother shouting orders at me all day.” 

“I don’t think I can deal with your brother at all,” Murphy rolls his eyes, and receives a confused look from those who didn’t witness their altercation earlier, “thinks he’s better than everyone.”

“You’re welcome to join us,” Monty shrugs at Octavia, and she shakes her head.

“Can’t be getting into trouble on my first day of school,” she says, “but maybe in a few weeks I’ll take you up on that.”

“Well, I’d rather be outside than stuck in a lab all day,” Finn says, stretching out his legs. He’s sitting beside Clarke.

“That’s because you’d probably have no idea what to even do in a lab,” Clarke laughs, and everyone makes sounds of agreement.

He scoffs at her, “is that a challenge?” He glances at Jasper and Monty and raises his eyebrows. 

“Nope, you are not going anywhere near our lab,” Monty almost shouts, and gets another laugh from Clarke.

Finn starts defending himself to them but they won’t budge. Clarke starts zoning out after a while, and she looks at Murphy and Raven, who have started talking about something else. Probably another stupid debate. 

She lets herself breathe for a second, and takes in what’s going on around her. She’s surrounded by people, good people, who she knows will turn into good friends, too. As much as she hates the thought of training and pushing herself to the limit over these next couple of months, she’s finally certain that she can bear it. 

Her leader isn’t as bad as she thought. He’s actually tolerable. 

She knows that he’s lonely. He has Octavia, sure, but to what extent? He only just got her back, and soon she’ll be an actual Guard member, risking her life everyday beyond that wall. Clarke wonders if he has any friends. She wonders if before Octavia arrived, was he even more miserable than he is now? 

Clarke decides that besides preparing to go beyond the wall, her next challenge is to find out who the hell Bellamy Blake is. Who he really is. 

Perhaps this won’t be so terrible after all. 


	5. if the shoe fits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry for not updating in over a month!! i’ve honestly just been so so busy what with college and everything going on right now. i understand if people aren’t interested in the story anymore but i am really going to try update as often as i can!! 
> 
> i hope everyone is staying safe & well during these times. <3 
> 
> this is also the first chapter i’ve written since the 100 ended.. crickets. i really wasn’t a huge fan of the ending but i wont spoil! anyways. enjoy the chapter :)

The next morning feels even earlier than the one before.

That’s because Bellamy has woken the group up at 6:30am, and Clarke feels like she’d only just closed her eyes to sleep seconds before then. 

She decides a shower will be the best thing to properly wake her up, and she doesn’t even try to wake Octavia; she’d rather keep her head. 

Clarke makes her way to the shower room, trying her best not to fall asleep on the spot. 

There’s a couple of people already there, and luckily there’s a free shower block which Clarke rushes to before someone else does.

The water is freezing when she first turns it on, but it’s exactly what she needed this morning. She lets it splash onto her face and run down her body, feeling it get warmer and warmer the longer she stands there. 

She wonders what today will bring. Hopefully Bellamy won’t plunge them into deep end straight away, but Clarke wouldn’t put it past him. She’s half excited, half terrified; there’s something thrilling about learning new skills and pushing herself, but if it comes at the cost of embarrassing herself in front of Bella- in front of the group, she’s pretty sure she’d rather just not. 

But that isn’t her choice anymore.

After a while, Clarke turns off the shower, drying herself before wrapping the towel around her hair. She briskly gets dressed but doesn’t have time to put her shoes on because someone else is waiting for the shower block, so she decides to just make a run for it back to her dorm. 

She’s not sure if she’s even allowed to be walking down the corridor barefoot, leaving a faint trail of water footprints, but she carries on walking nonetheless. 

And of course, the first person she sees is Bellamy. 

Clarke is awkwardly clutching her shoes and her clothes from the night in her hands, and just as she turns the corner and sees Bellamy, one of her shoes slips out of her grasp and tumbles to the floor.

She sighs to herself and is about to bend down to collect it, but she doesn’t have to, because Bellamy is already on the floor and picking it up for her. 

He’s kneeling on one leg, presenting the shoe out towards her. 

“This feels very familiar,” Bellamy says. Is he actually trying to make a joke?

“Cinderella?” Clarke raises her eyebrows at him, smirking.

“Right, yeah. What a coincidence, I was just reading that last night.”

Clarke can’t stop herself laughing, and he laughs too.

“Oh, you’re into princesses?” she asks.

“Not all of them.”

The two of them don’t say anything for a moment after that, they just keep their gaze lingering on one another. It’s probably going to get weird soon, Clarke thinks, snapping out of it.

“So, uh,” she clears her throat, “you gonna give me that back anytime soon?” 

“Right, yeah,” he blinks, and hands her her shoe. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,  _ princess _ .”

Clarke playfully rolls her eyes, hoping he doesn’t notice the fact that her cheeks have started burning.

“Blake!” 

Clarke and Bellamy turn to see McCreary traipsing down the corridor, his face too blank for Clarke to work out his emotion.

“Yeah,” it’s Bellamy’s turn to clear his throat now, and he practically jumps to his feet at the sight of McCreary. His soft smile has gone.

“Pike wants to see you. Something about helping him set up outside.”

“I’ll be down soon.”

McCreary barely glances at Clarke the first time, but he then looks again and doesn’t look away so soon.

“Why’d she have you on your knees?” he asks, a slight snarl on his face. Clarke almost gasps at that. 

“Dropped her shoe. I was picking it up,” Bellamy replies. Clarke notices the hint of shame in his tone.

McCreary sniggers, and folds his arms, tilting his head at Clarke.

“How is she going to hold a gun if she can’t even hold her shoes?” 

He starts laughing, slapping his hand on Bellamy’s shoulder, encouraging him to laugh too. And after a slight hesitation, Bellamy starts chuckling. Not a real chuckle, but he still does it. 

“Well, you can’t expect a girl this pretty to be good at everything,” McCreary’s voice changes. At first he just sounded harsh and scornful, but now he’s creeping Clarke out to an extent she didn’t even know was possible.

“Yeah.”

Clarke is staring at Bellamy now, unable to believe that he not only laughed at McCreary, but he agreed with him too. Maybe she was stupid to think that he could change. She knows that he’s not serious and is just trying to impress McCreary for whatever reason, but she had hoped that he would at least defend her. 

She guesses not.

She decides not to argue back; she doesn’t even think she can handle this anymore, so instead she scoffs at the two of them and heads off down the corridor again. 

Trying to ignore the burning feeling in her cheeks, she swings open the door of her room and sees Octavia sitting up in bed, her face buried in her hands. She lifts up her head at the sound of Clarke entering and gives her a smile, but frowns when she notices her expression.

“Woah, you okay?” 

Clarke must look more angry than she realised. She considers telling Octavia what happened, but decides not to. Bellamy is her brother, after all. And while Clarke doesn’t doubt Octavia would punch him for this, she doesn’t have the effort to even pay this situation any more attention. 

“Yeah, just.. McCreary being a dick.” 

“Tell me about it,” Octavia rolls her eyes, and begins to get out of bed, “I can’t decide who’s worse: him or Cage.” 

_ Or your brother. _

“That’s a tough one,” Clarke tuts, and moves out the way for Octavia to get ready. 

Clarke can’t believe that she thought for even a second that she and Bellamy could get along. She knows that deep down, he has a good heart, he’s kind; he proved that during their conversation this morning, but if he’s going to be so indecisive about whether he wants to be nice or not, then she isn’t going to give him the chance. Maybe the old Clarke would deal with his fluctuating personality, but the new Clarke definitely won’t. 

She won’t.

-

“Alright, is everyone here?” 

After the group ate breakfast, Bellamy had instructed them to meet in the training room he’d shown them the day before, and to wear their fitness gear that had been left in their rooms. 

Clarke and Octavia had chosen to wear some sports leggings, a tank top, a jacket and some trainers, even though they have no idea what they’re actually doing today. 

“We’re gonna be starting with some fitness outside. Nothing too hardcore, just some warm ups, circuits and running, so I can see where you all are in terms of agility. Unfortunately it’s a cold one outside today, so, sorry,” Bellamy laughs at the groan he receives from the group, “Just keep moving and you’ll be fine. Such babies.”

He gives Clarke the tiniest glance, and then turns on his heel towards the exit that must lead to outside. 

Clarke refuses to be nice to him today. She’s going to make sure he gets the deadliest look every time they make eye contact. 

But he really wasn’t lying when he said it’s cold outside. 

As soon as he opens the door the group is hit with an ice cold wind and Clarke gasps. She is suddenly very thankful that Octavia had reminded her to bring a jacket. 

They make their way outside and Clarke zips the jacket up, folding her arms to get any kind of warmth possible. 

“This is literal torture,” she hears Murphy say, and Bellamy playfully slaps a hand on his shoulder.

“Get used to it,” he says, smiling as though he isn’t freezing like the rest of them. Clarke supposes that he’s used to being out in this weather by now. 

Murphy grins sarcastically and Bellamy jogs ahead, leading the group to a track circuit across the courtyard. 

The sky is blue at least; cloudy and the sun is nowhere to be seen, but it’s blue. And that’s something. 

Bellamy makes everyone do some warm up exercises to get their blood going, and Clarke is out of breath within less than a minute. She regrets never doing any exercise before this. 

Not to Clarke’s surprise, Octavia seems perfectly fine while she’s doing her star jumps, not even losing her breath. Just like Bellamy. The Blake siblings really have it all. 

Clarke can’t deny that this has warmed her up though, even if it is the tiniest bit. She tries to hide the fact that she has to gasp for breath when they all take a break, but does a terrible job at it. 

Octavia hands her a bottle of water, smirking slightly.

She’s about to take it when she feels Bellamy’s eyes burning on her. 

“I’m good,” she pants. They both know she’s not. 

“Jesus, Clarke, we didn’t run a marathon, you know?” Murphy snorts. 

“Shut up,” Clarke can’t stop herself giggling, and she and Murphy share a moment of actual laughter for once. 

“Okay, break’s over. Come on,” Bellamy shouts.

The next thing he makes them do is laps around the track. One lap first, then two, then three. 

“For the first lap, I want you to sprint as fast as you can. Just so I can see how fast you are, or aren’t.” 

Clarke has always known that even though she’s not so athletic, she’s a fast runner. She needs to use this to her advantage, to show the group that she isn’t the weakest link like they all think. 

When Bellamy blows the whistle, she puts all her focus into making sure her legs actually move. She doesn’t think about anything else, just her legs. 

And they go, and she runs. As fast as she can. She tries not to distract herself by looking at the people around her or if anyone is overtaking her. 

When she makes it back round to the start and passes the line marked on the ground, she slows and lets herself see how she did. 

She has to stop herself smiling when she sees the rest of the group getting to the finish line moments after she did. There were only a couple of people who made it there at the same time as her. 

“What the fuck, Clarke?” Octavia gasps as she comes to a halt, not hesitating to take a sip of water. 

“Well, at least we found one thing you’re good at,” Murphy says, cocking his head. 

Clarke just shrugs, because they weren’t the ones she was trying to impress. 

Her eyes flick over to Bellamy, who’s standing at the side of the tracks, and already looking at her. His head is tilted slightly, and his eyes are narrowed, like he’s taking a mental note of her. 

He stares for a few seconds before clapping his hands and looking away, getting the group’s attention. 

He tells them that they can have some time to get their breath back and then they’re going to be doing some more laps. 

Clarke soon finds out that even though she can run fast, she can’t run for long. 

On their second lap she starts feeling herself slow down, and watches as more and more people overtake her as she rapidly loses her breath. She’s the last one to cross the finish line. 

She isn’t embarrassed; more disappointed in herself, but this isn’t going to stop her. 

They go for another lap and this time, Clarke is determined to do better. She makes sure not to look at Bellamy in case she gets distracted and falls on her face.

But again, after the first lap, she ends up behind everyone else, exhausted. 

“Pick up the pace, princess!” she hears. 

_ Is he serious?  _

She lets herself glare at Bellamy, who’s looking rather amused as he shouts at her from the sidelines, his arms folded and a big smirk on his face. 

_ Princess?  _

Clarke really hopes that won’t be a regular nickname. 

She carries on, forcing herself to not go over to him and punch him in the face. 

After some more running, Bellamy tells the group that their session is finished and to go back inside. Clarke couldn’t be more thrilled, because she’s at the point where the cold has caught up to her again and her hands have gone numb. And she also can’t stand the thought of being with Bellamy any longer. 

“You hungry?” Octavia asks, tying her shoelaces whilst Clarke gulps down her water. 

“Yes,” Clarke almost shouts, and sighs with relief, “so hungry.” 

Octavia grins and bounces back up, and they begin to make their way across the courtyard.

“Clarke.”

Her heart drops at the sound of his voice. No, not the sound of his voice. The sound of his voice saying  _ her _ name. 

She turns, the same stern look on her face as she gave him earlier, and raises her eyebrows at him. 

“What?” 

“Come here.”

Confused, Clarke faces Octavia, who shrugs.

“I’ll meet you in the cafeteria.”

The brunette leaves with the rest of the group, jogging to catch up with Finn and Murphy, and now Clarke is alone with Bellamy. She sighs and makes her way to him. 

“What?” she asks again, sounding like she has no interest in what he has to say. She doesn’t.

“You’re fast,” he replies, as he’s packing up some bags. He doesn’t look at her.

“Yeah,” she mumbles.

“That’s good. Speed is important out there,” he stands up to face her, swinging a bag over his shoulder, “but it means nothing if you can’t keep yourself going.” 

“I don’t need your h-“

“You need to pace yourself. You’re putting too much focus into your speed when you set off, using up all your energy straight away. That’s why you’re slowing down. 

When you’re in the field, you might find yourself in a situation where you need to run for a while, non stop. Yeah, it’s great to be able to go quick, but when you get out of breath after thirty seconds, then what? Just try and maintain your speed throughout, and see if that makes a difference.”

Clarke opens her mouth to defend herself, but she knows that what he just said may actually be helpful. 

“Just a suggestion,” he smirks again, “not telling you what to do.” 

He begins to walk past her, back towards the building. 

By the time she decides she should probably say something, he’s already halfway across the courtyard and she’d have to shout for him to hear her. That’s definitely not happening.

She doesn’t know why she feels surprised that he actually gave her advice. That’s literally why he’s here - to help the group improve. But he pulled her aside. He didn’t give anyone else advice. Just her.

_ Ew.  _ Clarke wants to throw up at how much she just thought about that. It’s really not that deep, she thinks. 

She almost forgot how freezing it was, and when the cold wind hits her again, she pretty much runs back inside. 

-

Clarke had decided to take another shower before meeting Octavia, considering how sweaty she had gotten at the end of the first training session. Luckily, she didn’t encounter Bellamy this time. 

However she did run into someone else on her way down to the cafeteria.

“Jackson!” she shouts, after getting a glimpse of him going round the corner.

Jackson spins and jogs over to her, smiling with relief.

“Clarke,” he breathes, pulling her into a hug.

“It’s so great to see you,” she says. She means it. It’s refreshing to see a familiar face.

“You too. How’re you holding up?”

Clarke sighs, not even knowing the answer to that herself.

“It’s.. I’m okay. It’s a big change.” 

“Yeah.”

“Have you seen my mom?” Clarke hesitates before asking. 

Jackson shakes his head. “No. I haven’t been back to the city since the testing.” 

“Right.”

The mention of the testing suddenly changes the atmosphere between them. It’s like he had brought up something they had both been avoiding.

“About the test-“

“Clarke,” Jackson interrupts her. His voice is hushed and abrupt, “we talked about this.” 

“I know, but-“

She stops herself at the sound of footsteps coming round the corner. A woman passes them, giving them an awkward glance before speeding up. 

Clarke waits until she’s gone before speaking again. 

“Look, I know what we talked about. And I’ve been trying not to think about it, but I can’t. You have to tell me what’s wrong with me.” 

“Nothing is..” Jackson sighs, “Clarke, please stop.”

“You can’t just-“

“I have to go. I’m sorry. We can discuss this another time,” he says, but Clarke knows he doesn’t mean that. 

He doesn’t let her argue back before he’s off down the hall again, leaving her on her own. 

Clarke stands for a few seconds, wondering whether she should go after him and demand to know the truth, or to trust him and just leave it. 

The rumbling sound in her stomach tells her to leave it for now and go get some food. 

She spots Octavia sitting at a table in the cafeteria with Finn and Murphy, and almost feels sad at the fact she can’t go over there and tell them what’s going on. She wants to tell  _ someone _ , but she can’t. 

“Everything okay?” Octavia asks as she sits down beside her, “what did Bellamy want?” 

“Yeah. He was just.. well, actually, he was helping me,” Clarke doesn’t even believe her own words as she says them. 

Octavia laughs, before putting a fry in her mouth and cocking her head.

“See, he’s not all bad,” she smiles.

“Oh yeah, he’s just mostly bad,” Murphy chimes in, shrugging his shoulders sarcastically. 

Clarke laughs half heartedly, and is about to say something else before she gets distracted by the sight of Bellamy standing at the food counter. She briefly watches him while he gets handed a snack by one of the chefs, and then when he turns around she knows she should look away before he catches her staring, but something tells her not to care. 

His eyes meet hers as he moves, and they stay there for a few moments; moments that feel like longer, and before he fully turns away, Clarke thinks she sees him smile ever so slightly at her. She thinks that she smiled back but her face is frozen.

And then he’s gone, and she needs to rejoin the conversation before anyone notices.

“Yeah. He’s not all bad,” is all she can get out. 

She hopes no one notices the faint smile on her face. 


End file.
